Forgiveness - So true

If the concept of forgiveness makes you cringe....if it is incomprehensible that people should be forgiven for their destructive and selfish behavior.....then you (like me previously) have much to gain by understanding what forgiveness really is.

First, we have to honor our feelings, not stuff them.  They are real....the hurts were real.....BUT the power in forgiveness is that until we choose to forgive, THEY (they evil, the selfish, the destructive) continue to have power over us......and that should STOP!

I found this quote very helpful during my journey to forgiveness:

"First, we have to face the notion that in order to consider forgiving someone we must have been blaming them for something. We must have anger, resentment, blame, even hatred going on in order to feel the need to forgive. Forgiveness is really an act of letting go, releasing the anger, the hatred, the bitterness, the thoughts of revenge that we have been carrying around. We can do this letting go without even encountering the person we want to forgive. We forgive by releasing all resentment, anger, and bitterness and thus set ourselves free from the negative feelings that weaken us. First we have to get past blame. Then we have to learn to send love to all." 

"Forgiveness is the most powerful thing that you can do for your physiology and your spirituality, and it remains one of the least attractive things to us, largely because our egos rule so unequivocally. To forgive is somehow associated with saying that it is all right, that we accept the evil deed. But this is not forgiveness. Forgiveness means that you fill yourself with love and you radiate that love outward and refuse to hang onto the venom or hatred that was engendered by the behaviors that caused the wounds. Forgiveness is a spiritual act of love for yourself and it sends a message to everyone, including yourself, that you are an object of love and that that is what you are going to impart." 

- Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, best-selling author, speaker and a true inspiration. 

Radiant Happiness

Radiant Happiness - a voluntary quality such as when you decide to smile.  It is cheerfulness, laughter, singing, joyfulness, bright eyes, sparkle, vivacity, enthusiasm, optimism, a sunny disposition, a sense of humor, smiles.....and the power to lift the spirits of others.

The difference between Radiant Happiness and Inner Happiness is that Inner Happiness must be earned through character.

I LOVE seeing smiling babies.  It makes me sad to see small children who never smile.  Even they shyest of children very often smile.  Those who don't, well, it is just sad.  Smiling is a gift we take to adulthood.  Smiling can be a ministry, I truly believe that.  

Cheri

Andy

I love walking through malls and purposefully smiling at others.  If you ever want to lift your spirits, smile at others and life theirs. It is incredible what you get back.  You can tell some people haven't smiled in months and they will smile back to you.  Warms your heart.  When your cheeks are sore at night, you've done your job!

Ryan

Holt

Ryan and Holt

The other day at Sam's Club, there was a sweet older lady checking receipts as folks left the store.  Hubs and I were over in the customer service area with a return and we were smiling and affectionate.  Hubs leaned over the kiss me and I saw that sweet lady just start smiling so big.  As we left the store quite a while later, I told her I loved her smile - a beautiful, loving smile.  She was touched. 

By Ella Wheeler Wilcox:

It is easy enough to be pleasant

When life flows by like a song.

But the one worthwhile is the one who can smile

When everything goes dead wrong.

For the test of the heart is trouble

And it always comes with the years.

And the smile that is worth the praises of earth

Is the smile that smiles through tears.

Do you have Radiant Happiness?  Do you bless your family with the traits of Radiant Happiness (above)?  

I used to do this easily and lately, it's been more difficult.  So much weighing me down.  I have to give it to God and go back to gifting others with Radiant Happiness.  I can attest - it is incredible.

Of course, there are times when smiling is not appropriate.  There are times we should be sensitive to the situation or we look like we lack sympathy.  In my case, many people/friends have seemed somber around me, with all my health issues....constant pain......they seem utterly shocked when I'm smiling and laughing any way, smiling through it.  All we can do is get through it, right?  (In fact, one of my favorite places to practice "smile ministry" is the hospital - those nurses are so worn down with all the sickness and illness, rare to find a patient able to smile and show them appreciation for all their hard work.)  No sense in dwelling on what won't change......have to make the best of it. I don't know why or how this comes naturally to me, although I can say - after a lifetime of smiling, I just couldn't be that girl who was sad all the time.  I didn't want to draw more questions, or more pity.  It is what it is and my nerve pain came into my life for a reason.  As I life and learn those reasons, I might as well smile.  Sure beats crying!

How about you?  Do you have any stories where smiling and Radiant Happiness impacted someone else?


"There is in this world no function more important than that of being charming - to shed joy around, to cast light upon dark days, to be the golden thread of our destiny, and the very spirit of grace and harmony.  Is not this to render a service?"  (Unknown)

How to Re-Frame

Huh?  Do what??  Re-frame.  Let me share something with you.

As women, we dwell.  I think it is in-born.  Dwell, dwell, dwell.  And not always positively.  

But guess what?

What we Focus on, EXPANDS.

Think about that for a minute.  It's true, isn't it?  

So we must CHOOSE what we focus on.  Well, that is easy to say, hard to do.  Especially on bad days, when everytyhing has gone wrong.  Or when we are moody, have had little sleep.  Why must WE change our thinking?

Because, we owe it to ourselves to do so.  Do you know who dwelling hurts?  US.  Not the person we are upset with.  No one else.  Just us.  Same with forgiveness - it is also for US, not the other person.  We must because we become LESS - less efficient, less happy, less functional - when we lock in on dwelling.  


Guess what? 

We do better when we KNOW better. 

How true is that?

So, how do we change what to focus on? Well, let me introduce you to the concept of 

Re-Framing

Imagine a puzzle in your life with missing pieces.  All of a sudden, some new puzzle pieces come flying towards you through the air.....and then SLAM, those puzzle pieces fall in to place.  Now, you have a different perspective.  Right?  You needed that info years ago, but at least it came now.  Or sometimes we have to create a new puzzle piece, to move on.  To be able to move forward.

Sometimes we stumble on new information.  Sometimes, we gain new perspective with maturity and wisdom.  By watching other people.  But as women, we have things that hurt us - we have emotional pains........and if something happened in our childhood that then gets triggered in adulthood.........look out.  We don't even see that coming.  We are such good actresses, aren't we?  

Looking back, I can take an old memory, replace it with new information OR a new choice.  I can choose to believe whatever was done was not on purpose, for example.   And by doing so the emotional pain lessens.  The emotional pain, the hurt - eventually fades away. 

 

How I handle my nerve pain is very similar to how we can handle our emotional pain.

I choose what I dwell on.

I let go of my old dreams to embrace my new possibilities.

Distraction is my greatest weapon.

Do you have something you are holding on to?  Can you think of a way to re-frame it to be at peace? 

Vulnerability

Vulnerability.  Likely not your favorite word, eh?  I was cruising around marriage blogs the other day and ran across a post with this video from Dr. Brene' Brown, someone I have never heard of.  Her presentation SO moved me, I have shown to each son and hubby, individually.  Along with my own viewing, I've seen it 6 times now AND I looked her up and watched other videos. 

Dr. Brene' Brown is a gifted speaker and all the guys enjoyed her presentation.  Vulnerability and Belonging.  What does that mean?  What does it entail?

I was intrigued when she said most people NUMB their vulnerability.  Proof?  We are the most

• In debt
• Obese
• Addicted
• Medicated

and

• Busy Busy Busy (from another video)

of any cohort in American History.  And she's right.  No one likes to feel vulnerable.  But what to do about it?  Check out these videos and ponder.......

Here is another short one detailing Shame and Empathy - excellent!

A few more video excerpts HERE.

Have you ever asked your family to watch a video for discussion?  Normally, we do this together.  But this time, I wanted to spend individual time with the boys and get their unbiased opinion.  It was a heartening time spent together with the boys not only watching with rapt attention BUT chatting with me for 20+ minutes afterward.  Having recently found out all 3 guys are Alexithymic (a state of deficiency in understanding, processing, or describing emotions), this video was timely.  To get an idea how alexithymia works, here is an online quiz:

Do you or someone you know have no words for moods?  Check out this quiz:

Alexithymia Online Quiz

Love your feedback on the videos - was it as enlightening to you as it was to me?

Have a glorious day!