Home Building and Humor..

First, where have I been?  Getting ready to build a house.  ARGH!!!  With an engineer.  That's just about enough said, huh.   And building with my new employer...so that's been interesting.....

We finally picked the house plan.....then...the tweaks/changes/additions started.  We're 3 meetings in and up to items totaling 60+.     Detailed folks are SO fun......

Here is the plan we chose BUT there are several huge changes...one of which is a side load garage (required by our new neighborhood but no problem with our 3/4 acre lot)....and hubs cannot handle that dormer over the garage, so an entire new elevation has been designed for him....bumping out the garage and adding a gable...

Westin Homes

We are gathering the estimates and will then decide just what we are going to add....so far, almost everything.

Things like:

Full granite backsplash
Under cabinet lighting
Exterior lighting under the eaves
Lights in all closets
Choosing a different mantel than standard
Choosing a different front door glass insert

I could go on and on and on.....60+ times......  We WILL have a fabulous house when it gets done...

Anyhoo...I am WORN OUT and we're not even done yet.  As soon as we get this stuff figured out, I then have to pick color selections - which hubs says I have FULL control....I am putting this in writing so he remembers that!  I have been SO good....really....being in the middle isn't fun (an employee and a client???)....I've tried to stay mostly out of it...

Here are photos of our new street:

But I will have an opinion on colors....from brick to roof to wall colors to tile to hardwood...  Thankfully, we agree on everything so far.  Wonder if that will continue.  lol

Meanwhile, after I washed my hair tonight (after our walk at the park), I couldn't get my slipper on fully.  I walked all the way to the living room, trying to force my foot in that slipper.  It didn't work.

As I got to the couch, I supported myself so I wouldn't fall over (balance issues with the nerve damage) and pulled my slipper off.

Guess why my foot wouldn't go in?

A hair clip was in my slipper!!!!!!!!!

Can we say "Numb feet"?

Andy about fell over dying laughing.  It was funny, but then it wasn't too.  Kinda sad.  Bet he'd feel a large plastic hair clip in his slipper!

I needed some levity tonight....so had to share.  lol

Anyone else build a house and have great advice other than "stay out of it"?

Pain Relief Summit

As I mentioned HERE, my pain lifted in June, 2011 after 6 long years.  3 lumbar surgeries, multiple attempts at other healing modalities and severe nerve damage later (What happened to me?), I thought there was no hope.

When I saw that this Pain Free Summit was being offered for free, I had to share it.  The woman that wrote the book that triggered my healing, Rue Anne Hass, is a speaker at this summit among many others.

2011 Pain Free Summit
Starts October 3rd.

If you are in pain of any kind, please check this out.  Suspend your worries..suspend your disbelief.  As one guy says, if we can be traumatized in 30 seconds, why can't we be healed quickly?  It doesn't have to make sense.

My story doesn't make "sense".

But it is real.

You have nothing to lose from this free seminar - and everything to gain.

My pain was REAL.

Your pain is REAL.

But it can get better, despite how long it has been here, how much worse it has gotten, how dismal it all seems.

I wish you much pain relief and healing.

"I am nourished by the spirit within.

Every cell of my body is filled with light.

I give thanks for radiant health and endless happiness."

Affirmation Thursday (and Pain update)

(First, before I start...is anyone else "enjoying" the new OS Lion for Mac...where if you don't watch your finger on the mouse, your entire page will just go flying off to the right and disappear?  Horizontal scrolling.....lovely......AGH!  lol)

Okey dokey.....maybe I should have titled this, "Keeping It Real".....I decided to share more details because several have written and upon learning, understood in a deeper way....

Credit

Am I the only girl who likes to control timelines?  Oh my....I truly am doing SO much better than my entire life before, but sometimes I have to stop and realize:  "Hey, I am NOT in control of this".

My favorite affirmations this week are:

I give thanks for the Divinely planned journey under Divinely planned conditions with the Divinely planned supply.

~~~

Adverse appearances work for my good, for God utilizes every person and every situation to bring to me my heart's desire.  "Hindrances are friendly" and obstacles spring boards!

I now jump into my good!

~~~

So, my pain and medication withdrawal update:

7 short weeks ago, I asked my doctor to wean off ALL my pain medications.  Rather than be vague, I will straight up tell you that I was on 300mg of a long-acting pain medication.  Three HUNDRED milligrams.  (You can click on the chronic pain, nerve damage, and spinal cord stimulator links to the right to read all about my diagnoses, conditions, medical test results, etc.)  If you have snacks and drinks, you can read the So What Happened To Me full story....Suffice it to say, there is plenty of medical proof for the medical blessings I have been given.

In early June, my pain lifted  - you can read that story HERE.   I went from 24/7 burning/searing pain to feeling amazing.  In seconds flat.  It was definitely a God-thing.

Now, 7 weeks is super fast and yet I was doing great...my first drop in dose was 100mg and I had 3 hours of restless legs and that was the sum total of withdrawal.  I was so encouraged (after having been warned I may feel like dying...).

At the outset, I wondered if doing so at this time was the smartest idea, as we typically go to Dallas sometime in June or July and that was going to drastically change my physical situation (8+ hour car rides both ways..).  I held steady on the current dosage while gone, but dropped again in dosage the day we drove home.  Ack.

As I hit 60 mg a day, I started to feel it.  At that point, I was on 30 mg, every 12 hours.  When I went to ONE PILL A DAY, 3omg total, I was putting on that smile but the behind the scenes reality wasn't pretty.  The first 3 days of each drop in dose, I would "feel it" but then my body would adjust and I'd have 3-4 days of feeling good before the next drop.

Until last Sunday I went to NO more medication (except what is called "BT - breakthrough meds, of which I am allowed 2 a day.).......

Well, I will just say straight up - Oh My Goodness.  My wonderful, LITERAL husband just stared at me with so much compassion but a huge question:

Why would a girl who was just walking 12 miles a week and just got her entire life back DO THIS TO HERSELF?  

I had to explain to him, again, the realities of being a pain patient.  (If you are a pain patient, you already know....)

The United States is having a war on pain meds.  Because of abuse and addition, ALL legitimate patients NEEDING these meds are being attacked.  It is humiliating to go to ANY doctor and have to admit being on these meds because they DO NOT WANT YOU AS A PATIENT.  Why?  We are ALL seen as "drug seekers".  (There are many "patients" who lie to get the meds, to promptly turn around the sell them.  Some for evil motives, others to simply pay their mortgage.)  But nevertheless, the nurses and docs at these clinics are TRAINED to be on the lookout for abuse and lies.

Credit

And I was tired of it.  I have wires and leads in my spinal fluid, for goodness sakes...that doesn't "PROVE" I am not lying?  Answer - it does NOT.

To start off with, most pain patients are required to sign a contract stating that they will get NO other pain-related meds from any doctor unless in an emergency situation.  (I don't have a problem with this - just wanted to add this for those that don't know how serious it is...)

I was tired of being drug-tested 3+ times a year.  (Sometimes with stick tests in office and other times with it being mailed off.)  

WHY drug test me?  To make SURE I have the meds I am prescribed IN MY SYSTEM.   (Whereas, most drug tests are used to prove there AREN'T drugs in your system.)  Isn't that a shock?  To prove I'm not selling them.

(Willingly submitting for an employment drug test feels entirely different, btw.)  Knowing that any minute, any single thing you do or say could get you "kicked out" of the only place that helps you live your life.....


While I am very thankful there are doctors willing to put up with this mess, I wish there was a better system.  I'm personally in favor of a national database that shows what and where...to stop "doc shopping".

I just wanted a different life.  To be perfectly honest.  I wanted to go to EVERY doctor I have and happily announce what I had done.  That I was FREE.

So.  I have had tears this week, with the return of some pain.  

Am I proud of myself for dropping 300mg in 7 weeks?  ABSOLUTELY.  

But why more pain?

Well...to revisit the beginning of this post....I am NOT in control of the timeline.  Duh, Cheri.  Who am I to claim it will be complete in 7 weeks?  Silly silly Cheri.

Today, I had my pain appointment.  And guess what?  I was drug-tested to see if I am now on marijuana for pain relief (illegal in my state and never prescribed) because WHO just says, "I want to be off pain meds?"  This was a red flag.  I am serious.

GRRRR....

I passed the drug test(S)......Duh....and they then proceeded with my appointment.  Because I react extremely negatively to any "nerve" medications (which are actually seizure medications mostly)...I have gone back on a tiny dose of pain medication.....45 mg a day.   And we are not shelving the plans to get off again.

Guess what the doctor said?  Getting off that much meds in that short of time likely has thrown my body in to sort of a "shock".  Not a "dead in a minute" sort of shock, but just too much, too soon.  That encouraged me. I plan to get my sea legs back and work on my MIND.....my affirmations....

Credit

I KNOW why the pain returned......there is another lesson for me to learn.  And I'm up for it....pain is a nice motivator.  :)

As my beloved friend Barbara said:  "As it says in the Bible, 

 "It Came........to PASS." 

Most people say it as one thing..............it CAME to PASS.....

But really....say this with the pauses....

It Came.........................To Pass.

So, while my journey has hills and valley, it IS Divinely planned.

Oh, and one more thing.  I sadly discovered that one thing that caused a massive fire BLAST in pain was drinking/eating sugary food items.  AGH!!!  So, on top of everything else, I have given up 90% of the sugar in my life.  Woo Hoo!!  Sugar is not healthy, anyway...but I didn't know if I could ever do it.  Fire in the butt sure helped that.  (BTW, my blood test results are not diabetes or pre-diabetes related......a former holistic-minded MD told me that SUGAR is the number one enemy of pain.  She cured herself of Fibromyalgia after everything she knew about medical science failed her.  This began her holistic journey and while she still can and does treat medically, she STARTS with food and things we ingest, every single patient.  She said it got her escorted out of a few Fibromyalgia meetings, as almost any pain patient will tell you.....sugar is one thing that makes us happy when nothing else seems to be working.)

I hope I covered everything...let me know if you have any other questions....

Weekend Randoms

We had a busy weekend.. if I had worn a pedometer, I'd have a lot more to add to my exercise log...

Week before last, we walked 12 miles over 7 days at the park.....and that doesn't include the nightly walking the dogs around the neighborhood.  So fun!

This week, we walked 11 miles....Andy has an iPhone app that has GPS and tracks our exact path plus tells us how long we walked and the distance.  Love that.

Here is a photo of Sage last night - her favorite part of going walking - the car ride.  lol

She sits up in the chair like a big girl....then we get to the park and have to coax her out.  Once we get going, she loves it.. the geese at the park...don't love her.  lol If they only knew what a scaredy cat she is....

We've gone to several movies and I have been surprised at how strong my legs are.  I used to walk up the movie auditorium steps one at a step...now I just walk up them strongly and quickly.   Walking DOWN the steps, I used to stand behind Andy, holding his shoulders for support, one step at a time.  Now he prefers to stand beside me holding my hand, but my balance and strength are night and day improved.  Yay!

We've also been trying to find a new dog food that helps Sweety's allergies without having to spend hundreds of dollars on allergy testing and meds....final result - Blue Buffalo chicken adult food with a small spoonful of Blue Buffalo wet food mixed in for Sage.  We learned that German Shepherds (she is half German Shepherd and Golden Retriever)...can be really picky eaters.   We had them on Bil Jac for years...with it being the first and only food they both loved.  But now with Sweety's allergies and Sage's new fatty lipoma on her shoulder, I researched dog foods.  Bil Jac is a 1 star food.....high priced Purina, I guess.  Darn!

We decided to get a 4 star dog food or higher....tried Avoderm, the Blue Buffalo Wilderness (both grain-free)...then the Blue Buffalo chicken....after chatting with an expert.  Sweety will eat anything...Sage.....food strikes regularly.  lol  Blue Buffalo is actually a 5 Star food.

And the best part?  Petco took back the opened 2 dog foods that didn't work out...Yay!!

And finally, we're planning a trip to our hometown..to visit family .....

AND

We aren't taking the recliner!!  We aren't going to travel like the Clampitt's!!  I'm gonna sit in the front seat like I used to......

Oh, speaking of that...I am now down 80% in former medication related to the nerve damage....only 20% to go.  It's been going great...just a few days where I felt a little tired...I've still only taken one dose of the medicine given to me for reactions and withdrawal...it is just amazing.

Hope you had a great weekend!!

Health Update

I am doing GREAT!  More than great.....just blessed.


Since I last wrote HERE and HERE about the pain lifting, I have:


1.  Continued to walk 2 miles 3-4 times a week at the local park with hubs and our larger dog...it is an asphalt trail around lakes, up and down hills.....fun!


2.  Am in the process of getting off ALL associated medications and as we speak, am down a full 1/3 in dose.  The medication I was given to help with any effects hasn't been needed...I have taken ONE (and I was allowed  2 a day AND told to prepare for the worse flu of my life.  Didn't happen.  Just a little tiredness for a few days......walking helped that!)  I will decrease a 1/3 every two weeks....so in 6 weeks or less, I will be MEDICATION FREE!!!!!!!!  This alone is a major answered prayer in my life.  My gift to myself......


3.  Ended up getting 7 free facials to help my face heal from the spa incident.....and had my last one yesterday.  Boy do facials feel good and the associated massage of the neck, head and  face.....


4.  My Spinal Cord Stimulator remote (the part that allows me to control the stimulation....)continued to be on the fritz...and just TODAY did I get a replacement part that actually worked.  It has been a comedy of errors that most would not believe...and frankly, had I BEEN in pain, I would have been committed by now.  God is amazing though, and my SCS didn't break until the day my pain lifted.  How cool is that???  (I ended up having to record with my iphone the "acting up" since in the presence of docs and programmers, it worked fine. Just like when a female takes a car to get services and it doesn't act up.  Ugh. ) Never to be disbelieved, I happily forwarded 4 videos, PROVING the trouble.  Don't underestimate a driven woman. Even though I don't need the SCS at this moment, I do prefer it to be working.....since it is implanted and all....that just sounds like a good idea....

Can you see the problem with the first wand they sent me?  The old one is on the left.......

When I called to explain the problem (as the guy on the other end had an accent and was not easily understanding me....I kept saying, "You sent me a GIRL, and I need a BOY wand."  I can only imagine what he was thinking, but to ME, it seemed the best way to describe it.  lol  This is the part I put on my upper hip and communicate how much stimulation I want through the remote...


All in all, I feel FABULOUS.  Just got back from going to the grocery store myself...got the groceries, put them in and out of the cart....carried to the car.......Hubs will be SHOCKED when he gets home.  Edit - hubs just got home and IS shocked and said, "Wow, when was the last time you did THAT!  You should put that on your blog" and I told him I already was....hee hee....  :)


God answers prayers!!!!!!!  Don't give up.....never give up.  Be careful what you focus on.....because what we focus on....grows.  Believe the pain will lift.  Dream as if it already has.....Trust me......with my medical "proof"...this can only be explained by "it's a God thing".

I Forgave Myself.....

I was ready.  I was ready to forgive.  I was ready to open my mind to the truth.  I wasn't ready before.  Now was the time.


This was the key?  I've known since day one that my pain was related to what was happening in  my life when it first appeared...everything in my life I knew to be true was turned upside down.  Struggles and trials I wished on no one were in my life.....and I felt powerless.  
The details are unimportant - my reaction WAS.  (For those new to my blog, see on the side bar links to Chronic Pain, Nerve Damage, So What Happened To Me, etc.  Basically, I was injured in 2005, had 3 back surgeries in 12 months and was left with diagnosed severe nerve damage and was finally given an implanted spinal cord stimulator (scs) kind of like a pacemaker for nerves...with a remote control.....and I buzz on the inside like a massage chair rather than feeling the full intensity of the searing nerve pain.  I spent much of my time reclined...keeping the pressure off my S1 nerves.)


No matter what I did to help the situation, nothing changed.  And being such a perfectionist and NOT wanting what WAS happening, I collapsed.  In pain.  More appropriately, denial.  I went in to denial. My conscious mind was overwhelmed and I just collapsed.

However, from day one, I KNEW I would be healed.  Despite my medical records, despite the very real MRI's and CT Scans that show what they show.....diagnosis of decimated nerves....despite the surgeons coming out and telling Andy "Holy moly, how was she even walking..."surgeries that filled my back with metal...and then spinal cord stimulation.....

My "high pain tolerance" that I used to be proud of?  It was no friend of mine.

Then came the subject of social security disability.  Every one told me to file for disability.  Because I had only worked a few years after having been a stay at home mom (SAHM) for many years, I only had a certain amount of time to qualify.  And we could really use the money.  After years spent reclined, who wouldn't?  I wouldn't.  My thinking was, I would be telling the world I will NOT be healed.  It would make it REAL.

Family and friends were perplexed, noticing it WAS real already.  lol  But I have this side of my personality...I call it tenaciousness....I had faith.  Without it, I couldn't imagine where my mind might have gone.  As you can only imagine, the experience of 24/7 burning/searing sensation is ..............something no one should experience.

4 weeks ago, I saw a book online and ordered it immediately:

Opening the Cage of Pain with EFT by Rue Anne Hass.

Having explored and used EFT (Tapping) in the past, I was very intrigued. EFT uses acupressure points on the face, neck, collarbone and hands to relieve issues.   In this book, she states:

"I believe that chronic pain can emerge from years of hiding, holding back, caging or repressing our deepest self-expression.  Chronic pain is the body's expression of emotional and spiritual pain.  Pain gets our attention!  It is calling us to free our deep spirit."

I started saying to myself quotes in this book:

"Even though I get overwhelmed, but I swallow my real feelings, soldier on, and tough it out, I realize that is making me sick.  I love and accept who I really am.  I honor my deep inner strength, my truth and my goodness."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Even though my heart feels heavy and tight and sad, I honor myself for how hard this has been, I understand and I even forgive myself.  I was doing the best I could.  I choose to love and appreciate this powerful, world changing soul quality I have been so blessed with." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So, it did not surprise me when I received an email from Barbara Rogers,  the owner of Simply Divine Botanicals online asking to speak directly with me (she had seen my posts with my testimonials of her products).....she called an hour after receiving my number.

Her first question:
"Cheri, when will you be ready to forgive yourself?"

She explained what I already knew....that pain (lingering pain, not "just had an accident acute pain") stems from grief and shame.  Pain comes in to our lives to give us a message.

I have ALWAYS believed this.  ALWAYS.

I thought I HAD done all the forgiving needed.  I forgave others involved.  But guess what?

I had NOT forgiven myself.

I set about immediately to do so....meanwhile, she recommended these books:

The Game of Life and How to Play It by Florence Scovel Shinn

and

Heal Your Body A-Z by Louise Hay

In this book, it explains that


Low back pain: Fear of money, lack of financial support.

DING DING DING

For this, one should repeat:  "I trust all the processes of life.  All I need is always taken care of.  I am safe."

Sciatica:   Being hypocritical.  Fear of money and the future.


For this, one should repeat:  "I move into my greater good.  My good is everywhere, and I am secure and safe."

See, at the exact moment of pain onset, I had started a new career, training new real estate agents to believe in themselves, be all they could be.....that the sky is the limit.  Yet, I could not affect change in my own life.  I could not convince family members to do the same.  I felt like a hypocrite.

In the book Game of Life....it quotes Jesus and the Bible throughout.  For example:

"Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it [are] the issues of life."
King James Version  Proverbs 4:23


Pain served a purpose in my life.....it took me from being a mile a minute, hyper girl to someone who learned to be PRESENT.  I had nothing else to do BUT learn to be present.

I consider the last 6 years to be a learning experience for me.  I am such a different person.  I value so much more.  For one, I value my mobility.

Let me share with you some interesting things since the pain lifted 2 weeks ago:

The DAY of the phone call and my pain lifted, we were driving down the road my SCS remote beeped at me from my purse. It never does this.  Long story short, it was BROKEN.  I hadn't turned myself "up" for the day and now, no stimulation.

Well....if my pain is gone, I don't NEED stimulation, right?   (Hello God, I see you....I feel you...you got my attention!!)

It is now 15 days and I have still not had my remote "fixed"....despite the promise of a 2 day turnaround.  More proof the pain is gone, eh?

Andy and I have been walking together at the park....on a 2 mile trail....with hills and valleys.....and I got new tennis shoes that simulate sand and my hips/legs/calves are getting quite the workout.

We have gone down to the condo weight room and lifted weights.  ME!!!!!!  And I bounced out of bed the next day....no "recovery" period.

My greatest lessons so far:

Our thoughts are very powerful.

Our words are MORE powerful.

What we actually write?  Becomes law in our life.  

I am in the process of going back to all my profiles and changing what I wrote and I am watching how I refer t0 my situation.  When something happens today that I wasn't expecting, I ask myself, "God, for what blessing has this occurred?"

Photo Credit

I am whole.  I am healed.  I am forgiven.

I am now to go fulfill why I was put on this earth.........my intense learning session has completed and I will never be the same.  I will forever grateful for this experience.  I truly will.  Onward now to learn what is next!

Starting now, I will use this story to help others.....and I can't wait.


P.S.  The science behind our thoughts and illness is solid.  I will be sharing a post soon showing more of the scientific background on this subject.  Just as we can make ourselves ill we can heal ourselves as well.  Dr. Caroline Leaf, a cognitive Neuroscientist,  wrote the book, "Who Switched Off My Brain" which I read last summer.  AMAZING.  It IS scientifically proven......

Must See Video on Pain and the Future

Although I cried the entire 8 minute video, it is very worth seeing.  And I can only hope that something can be discovered very soon.

Day to day, my legs burn hip to toes but when my weird back pain kicks in, it feels like that blow torch on the top of my skin intensely.  Usually, however, it feels like the blow torch is deep in my leg.....to toes.

Doesn't help that I've been in a pain flare for 2 weeks...thought I was getting better....then went today for another facial (to help the face situation)......and now I'm paying for it.  Hard.  (Not sure when I will post this....so that will probably be a few days old news.)

I just want to tell you.....if you suffer from any type of chronic pain, I am so SO sorry.  I "get it".  I truly do.

Taking a Risk

Over at The Nester's blog, she asked today about risk taking.  If anyone feels like they have taken a risk, to post about it and join her party.  It stopped me in my tracks as I realized I DID take a risk.  

A big one.

Having been through 3 lumbar back surgeries in 12 months and still suffering immense pain, in hindsight it WAS a huge risk to move forward with the Spinal Cord Stimulator (SCS) trial and surgery.  Putting wires and leads in my spinal fluid?  Having a battery in my buttock?  Having wires threaded down my back, mid-back to hips?  Being told that a 50% reduction in pain would be considered a success.  50%?  

But you know what, 50% is a LOT of pain relief, when you suffer the pain I endure.  I have permanent, severe nerve damage.  After the 3rd surgery that DID stabilize my back, my nerves were left permanently damaged.  From what or when, no one will ever know.  But the S1 nerves in both legs burn ALL DAY and ALL NIGHT long.  Searing is a good word.  24/7.   And on really bad days, I get what I call "lightning strike" pain - a pain that will shoot through my hips and out my toes, down my entire leg.  Sometimes it is just a flash.  Other times, it stays a while.  Either way, it takes my breath away and if I were driving, I don't know if I could control the car.  (Reason #1 I rarely drive).  I've never been struck by lightning, but I imagine it would feel something like that.

After many months of suffering, my beloved neurosurgeon recommended I either try the SCS (Spinal Cord Stimulator) or get an implanted pain pump. NO other options.  

I was so scared.

What if it didn't work?

What if something went wrong and I ended up in a wheelchair the rest of my life? (Any time working on the spinal cord is a huge risk.)

But I was nearing zero quality wife and mother at that point......I lived fully reclined 24/7.....shouldn't I do it for them?

What happened during the SCS trial was almost inhumane.  A nightmare of epic proportions.

But at the end of the day, I STILL (even after that trial horror), went forward and trusted my neurosurgeon and trusted God that this WOULD be an answer.  That this WOULD give me some of my life back.

The SCS is like a pacemaker for nerves.  Have you ever sat in a massage chair to get a pedicure, or at a store?  Well, I massage INSIDE my body, 24/7.  JUST LIKE THE MASSAGE CHAIR.  It is the freakiest thing!  

But while my body is massaging, my brain is saying,"What is going on????  Why are we buzzing"?  While my brain is busy trying to figure that out, my burning/searing leg nerve pain isn't getting through at full intensity.  Hence, the relief I experience.  When my brain figures this trick out, we will be up a creek and looking at new options, I suppose.  But so far, so good.

And it did.   I'm not the old Cheri, never will be.  But I can walk longer than 30 minutes.  I can go out to dinner, I can go to the mall, I can go to a movie with my sweety.   I no longer live 24/7 fully reclined and that is a blessing.  My husband got most of his wife back.   He rarely comes home to find me crying.  That is huge.  There is only so much his heart can take.  Nothing more helpless than being a man who can't help his wife.   Little does he know that just letting me lay on his shoulder and cry means the world.

So today, my husband proudly tells people he has a wife with a remote control.  Who wouldn't want that?  lol   I can turn myself up, I can turn myself down.  I have to "charge" myself every few weeks.  I even have fun little tricks I can do that most SCS users don't enjoy.  God gave me a few little extra gifts, and for that I am forever grateful.

At the end of the day, I had to choose to trust a 4th surgeon to help me, had to trust that he wouldn't further harm me. 

He helped me.  An answered prayer.

I thank God for Spinal Cord Stimulation.

I thank God for technically excellent neurosurgeons.

I thank God for the most supportive, nurturing husband in the world.

I thank God for supportive family and friends.

I thank God for people who propped me up when I was ready to give up.

And I thank God for what I do still have. 

I am a lucky girl.

I try hard to make sure no one knows I suffer if they see me from a distance.  Only by watching closely will you notice the sparkle missing from my eyes, or you might see me stumble as I try to pretend I can still feel my feet and my balance is normal.  Ever the actress.

I pray you never experience pain like this.  If you do or if you know someone who does, please tell them about Spinal Cord Stimulation.  I'm surprised at how many people haven't heard of it.  It is designed for nerve damage pain in particular.  

I share my story on this blog because there are so many pain sufferers home-bound.  Finding others who understand, who truly understand.....is priceless.  I love the new friends and emails I receive from new friends I meet through my story.

So What Happened To Me?

Other links on the right hand:  Chronic Pain, Intractable Pain, Nerve Damage and Spinal Cord Stimulation.

Faith is powerful.

Busy Week

Went out tonight with 2 of my guys and was allowed to snap this photo with my iPhone.  Convinced Holt he had to let me get this hair cut in a photo!!  I think this is the best one he's ever had, in my never to be humble opinion.  lol 

February, 2011

 Holt just got his wisdom teeth out last week and has had a bit more pain than usual, but no issues.  No dry sockets or infection.  He is on the mend.  I introduced him to Chik Fil A lemon pie and he might have died and gone to heaven.  He's pretty sure he did.  lol 

Oh, almost forgot.  Holt was recently diagnosed Severe ADD - Combined Type and put on medication for the first time in his life.  His daily commentary has been something else - he says "It feels like my brain has been turned on for the first time ever!"  He cannot get over how different he feels, how much easier it is to "think", how much easier it is to remember things, how much more he smells things (that was a shock!).......he says he can't imagine if he had taken these meds years ago, how school might have gone so differently.  He was asked repeatedly but since he always said "no", there was no getting him tested.  (He had to cooperate).  Little did we know then that the Alexithymia prevents him from being able to answer such a question.  He can't ask himself, "Do I feel confused?"  That won't register with his brain.  Interesting, huh.

Ryan got promoted at his job to Shift Trainer/Manager and is loving that.  Even though it was only a 15 cent raise per hour, he loves being in charge.  (From what we heard, he was already "doing" this job before the promotion, Ha!)  He is going well in school and is ALWAYS golfing.  I swear, we never see that kid.  He shot a 70 yesterday in heavy wind and was very stoked.  The weather is beautiful right now and he isn't wasting it.  (For his birthday next month, we got him a "new to him" set of irons from a teammate who was trading up.  Ryan LOVES these new irons.  Hasn't had a new set since age 14, we think?  He got good use out of the old ones.)

Hubby is getting his veneers redone FINALLY.  He started this over 2 years ago....thought he'd go in for veneers.  Found out his teeth were horribly misaligned and if he did not correct it, he'd be in dentures in 10 years.  So braces went on and here we are.  He spent 5 hours in the dentist chair getting his teeth ground down...........and he was SHOCKED (we all were really ) at how dark green/brown his teeth are (from Tetracycline prescriptions as a child.)  His first set of veneers lasted almost 25 years!!!! (Usually last around 10.)  

It was not fun - very much sensory overload and his teeth/gums were not happy.  They had to put on temporary veneers (where this was not needed 25 years ago) and he will go back in several weeks to get the permanent ones on.    Here are photos of before and after.  We're debating putting the green/brown teeth photo on, but may if we think it would help others in the same position "see" what a difference veneers can make. 

Braces, May, 2009

Old Veneers, AFTER braces, February, 2011

Small snapshot of 2 of his current teeth, after the grinding and before the temporary veneers.  Gums are discolored due to the procedure of grinding.

Temporary Veneers, February 17. 2011

I just did a Google search of "Tetracycline teeth" and could not find a photo any where near as dark and stained as my husband's teeth.  Unbelievable what that antibiotic can do!   YAY for veneers!!!  I am so thrilled he was able to get this done and that they have worked so well and lasted so long for him.  He's hoping no more grinding will be necessary - 5 hours is a long time without a break!!  I went in to help him pick his "new" color for the new set.  He will go back in a few weeks and get those permanently bonded on.  The new technology will block the dark gray/brown/green teeth from ever showing through.  (The first set he had DID have some bleed through over the years.)

My pain flare has decided to decrease in intensity, and I am so thankful.  It was a long month.  Sure wish I could figure out the triggers, if there was one.  I did end up getting some super soft "minky" fabric to wear around my midsection front to back (like a tube top sort of, but around my stomach ribs to hips) to keep all other fabric from touching my skin.  That "central pain" feels like the worst sunburn of you life X 10.  Air blowing on my skin can send me screaming.  Just awful.  I am thanking God it once again is going away.  How some people live with this 24/7, I do not know.  My regular nerve pain is quite enough, thank you very much.

Oh, and I took a crochet class at a specialty yarn store and I was the only student - Perfect!  She thought I was a beginner, but I showed her my projects (that hat, and a wristlet thingy I made), so we spent the time just making sure I haven't developed any bad habits (I hadn't!) and helping me learn to read patterns (since I taught myself watching videos - reading actual patterns has been somewhat difficult for me.)  I'm visual!!!

Ok, that's it.  Back to crocheting!