Buttprints In The Sand

Buttprints in the Sand

One night I had a wondrous dream,

One set of footprints there was seen,

The footprints of my precious Lord,

But mine were not along the shore.

But then some strange prints appeared,

And I asked the Lord, "What have we here?"

Those prints are large and round and neat,

"But Lord, they are too big for feet."

"My child," He said in somber tones,

"For miles I carried you along.

I challenged you to walk in faith,

But you refused and made me wait."

"You disobeyed, you would not grow,

The walk of faith, you would not know,

So I got tired, I got fed up,

And there I dropped you on your butt."

"Because in life, there comes a time,

When one must fight, and one must climb,

When one must rise and take a stand,

Or leave their butt prints in the sand."

-- author unknown

New Coat Love

Have I ever told you how much I hate shopping?  I mean, SERIOUSLY hate it.   Growing up with a mother who sewed all my clothes......I got spoiled.  Stores and all the choices?  Stress!!  So, I tend to buy things when I am in a panic/dire need, and that is a bad plan!  lol

I need a new coat and have for years.  6+ years ago,  I spent $25 on clearance at Old Navy and even my boys have commented on the fuzz balls.  Now, ladies, that is bad if teenage boys noticed! 

So, I decided I wanted a deep purple/eggplant coat - I'm tired of black, gray....since I started wearing bright colors I love, my mood is much improved, I get tons of compliments.....so......

I was in S.teinmart the other day, killing time before an appointment and saw this coat and almost drooled right then and there.  Ran over, tried on my size and .........it was THE COAT.

Minus the grey scarf.   Color a little darker in person, photo taken with my iPhone 4.

Price - not $25, so I had to think on it.  Peck & Peck Collections.  Andy wanted to go buy it last night.  I waited until today, went to another S.teinmart and they had already sold out!  Brand new!  Had them scan one left and it was not going to be on sale this big sale weekend, so.........Andy got me the coat at the other store.

It only has the one button and the tie is removable.  (I don't ever wear coats buttoned up, even in snow.  lol)  Very slimming and very pretty!

If you have a S.teinmart near you, they are having a HUGE sale starting tomorrow and the 12 hour sale on Saturday.  Go to their website for additional coupons!!

Stein Mart Website

And guess what?  He LOVES it on me!!   I think he finally decided - instead of fighting my favorite color, why not be thrilled?  lol  Now I want some cold weather so I can wear it!!

 

Dad and Son

A rare photo opportunity.

Taken with my iPhone 4.

Holt likes that he looks 5 inches taller in this photo, but Andy makes sure to point out he is just 2-3 inches taller.  lol

The Babies We Lost

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  I created a page years ago while mourning, when a loving counselor encouraged me to allow myself to grieve, telling me lovingly that we "Won't get over it, but we will get through it".  

In memory of:

Avery Elizabeth  May, 1994

Bret Andrew and Garrett Austin  August, 1994

(testing confirmed twins and boys)

Hope Renee    November, 1995

My post from last year, October 15, 2009.  Click HERE.
 
After suffering these repeated miscarriages and never again conceiving, even after pursuing advanced infertility avenues, I was filled with grief and wondering "Why??"  So grateful I had our two boys but then with a sadness of the 4 we lost.  I eventually received test results giving me my answer - I had elevated natural killer cells, which COULD reverse spontaneously.  But with both of us having issues, our chances of conceiving without expensive advanced help were Zero.  I was then able to move on - I got my answer.  I'm like that - always want to know "WHY?".

What many people do not understand is that the minute we get pregnant, we start having dreams of our child-to-be, so when we find out that baby has died, we grieve.  It is normal.  Being surrounded by people who do not understand or who make us feel something is wrong with us FOR grieving just make it worse.  I was better after the due dates passed of all the babies.  Until then, I was sad when I saw a pregnant woman around town or at church.  Happy for them but sad for the loss of my children.

But I will see them again some day and created this page to document their stories and to put poems and music that helped me.  Please send this to someone you know who might be grieving today.  If my emails have any credibility, this site brings much comfort and validation.

Our Babies In Heaven

Here is one poem from this page.  Author Unknown to me.  If someone knows, please let me know and I will gladly credit the author.

If I can endure for this minute
Whatever is happening to me,
No matter how heavy my heart is
Or how dark the moment may be--
If I can but keep on believing
What I know in my heart to be true,
That darkness will fade with the morning
And that this will pass away, too--
Then nothing in life can defeat me
For as long as this knowledge remains
I can suffer whatever is happening
For I know God will break all the chains
That are binding me tight in the darkness
And trying to fill me with fear--
For there is no night without dawning
And I know that my morning is near.

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

Wordless Wednesday

Not her bed!  lol

Sneak Peek

Finally getting around the post this - 

In the last 6 weeks, we have learned just exactly why all 3 guys in my life are super literal....how language really matters.  Well, I've been saving for 2 years for a zebra print rug, but did not realize that despite showing hubs multiple examples, he still thought I wanted one of these:

Zebra Skin Rug

No......sweety.  THIS is what I had in mind.

So after it was special ordered at a fantastic price by a hole in the wall home decor center we found, it turns out that the guys?  They "see" rivers of water instead of zebra print, so hey!!  Whatever works!!  Hubs also loves the different textures.....surprisingly, he seems to love the rug as much or more than me.  Definitely unexpected.

More pictures to come....

22 Things You May Not Know About Me

22 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know

1. The illness I live with is:  Permanent Severe S1 Nerve Pain, Failed Back Syndrome and intermittent flares of (suspected) Central Pain Syndrome.  Have an implanted Spinal Cord Stimulator.

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 2008

3. But I had symptoms since: 2005 (Had 3 surgeries at L5-S1 in 12 months.)

4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: Learning to function/think/talk with a constant pain override - like a train whistle constantly blaring in your ear, never stopping.   To understand, put a tack in each buttock, both legs and both calves and tape them down.  Imagine occasionally stepping on a tack (to mimic the shooting/lightning strike fire pain that comes intermittently). Now function.  Ignore that pain as best you can.

5. Most people assume: I am fine because I'm always smiling.

6. The hardest part about mornings are: Waking up crying in pain.

7. My favorite medical TV show is: House, but I don't watch it anymore.  House suffers from horrible nerve pain as I do, but the way they portray him is somewhat unrealistic.  I understand why he is cranky.

8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: Computer.  Distraction is my greatest weapon against the pain.

9. The hardest part about nights are: Besides actually falling asleep unless delirious, it is knowing that despite my best efforts, I will still wake up wanting to cry or actually crying.

10. Each day I take 20 -25 pills, supplements & vitamins. (No comments, please)  Vitamin D greatly helps my pain, for example.

11. Regarding alternative treatments I: have tried acupuncture, acupressure, EFT, CBT therapy, Massage, and more.  I actually never stop looking for something to help.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: Visible.  Less to explain.

13. Regarding working and career:  Never again.  Ironically, if I hadn't gotten 3 jobs during a time of uncertainty, this might never have happened to me. 

14. People would be surprised to know: that I am not exaggerating when I say that the nerve pain is 24/7 burning, SEARING pain.  They see me smile and think, "It can't be that bad".  Only my husband sees my tears, anguish and suffering.

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: That the pain will really really REALLY never go away.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was:  travel again in a vehicle over 30 minutes.

17. The commercials about my illness: Don't exist.

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: Amusement parks.

19. It was really hard to have to give up: the ability to drive and go where I wanted.  

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is:  Blogging

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would:  Walk barefoot and enjoy the sensations of NORMAL feet touching the ground, grass, pavement, carpet.......

22. My illness has taught me:  You never know what is going on with someone, especially those with "invisible illness".

I missed "National Invisible Illness Week" but wanted to share.

Curly Hair Update

Still growing the 'ol hair out but got in a mood the other day to go "au naturale" and see what's cooking in that department.  

Previous Curly Girl Posts in the last year as I grow my hair out.

You know how some blogger gals post their outfits of the week?  Well, since I wear the same thing over and over (yes, I'm channeling my mother!), I could post my hairstyles of the week.  I change it all the time.  Hubs NEVER knows what I'll look like when he comes home and he loves it.  lol

How can I get the ends not to look so........scraggly?  I've just had a haircut!  I'm sure it is my "fluffing" or some technique I'm either lacking or screwing up.  Help!  BTW, none of my guys agrees it looks scraggly.  Hmmm...

OK, now here I have run my fingers through the ends to "fluff" them (after dry).  Did it help or make it worse?

 

Hey, I'm getting an Angelina Jolie vein straight down my forehead.  Cool!  Are our eyes supposed to disappear when we smile as we age?  Hello???

And here we have the rat's nest, on the girl who did NOT know she had curly hair until she was in her late 30's.  Ummmm, can I blame my mom for not pointing it out?  LMBO  This is with NO special technique OR product.

I've decided, I much prefer indoor light - look definitely younger!  Ha!

A photo I took last week, my slightly curled, wavy look.           (Taken on Iphone - sorry.)

Have a great weekend!