The Babies We Lost

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  I created a page years ago while mourning, when a loving counselor encouraged me to allow myself to grieve, telling me lovingly that we "Won't get over it, but we will get through it".  

In memory of:

Avery Elizabeth  May, 1994

Bret Andrew and Garrett Austin  August, 1994

(testing confirmed twins and boys)

Hope Renee    November, 1995

My post from last year, October 15, 2009.  Click HERE.
 
After suffering these repeated miscarriages and never again conceiving, even after pursuing advanced infertility avenues, I was filled with grief and wondering "Why??"  So grateful I had our two boys but then with a sadness of the 4 we lost.  I eventually received test results giving me my answer - I had elevated natural killer cells, which COULD reverse spontaneously.  But with both of us having issues, our chances of conceiving without expensive advanced help were Zero.  I was then able to move on - I got my answer.  I'm like that - always want to know "WHY?".

What many people do not understand is that the minute we get pregnant, we start having dreams of our child-to-be, so when we find out that baby has died, we grieve.  It is normal.  Being surrounded by people who do not understand or who make us feel something is wrong with us FOR grieving just make it worse.  I was better after the due dates passed of all the babies.  Until then, I was sad when I saw a pregnant woman around town or at church.  Happy for them but sad for the loss of my children.

But I will see them again some day and created this page to document their stories and to put poems and music that helped me.  Please send this to someone you know who might be grieving today.  If my emails have any credibility, this site brings much comfort and validation.

Our Babies In Heaven

Here is one poem from this page.  Author Unknown to me.  If someone knows, please let me know and I will gladly credit the author.

If I can endure for this minute
Whatever is happening to me,
No matter how heavy my heart is
Or how dark the moment may be--
If I can but keep on believing
What I know in my heart to be true,
That darkness will fade with the morning
And that this will pass away, too--
Then nothing in life can defeat me
For as long as this knowledge remains
I can suffer whatever is happening
For I know God will break all the chains
That are binding me tight in the darkness
And trying to fill me with fear--
For there is no night without dawning
And I know that my morning is near.

AUTHOR UNKNOWN