Wednesday, July 28, 2010

So What Happened To Me? Part 5 - The SCS Trial

The SCS Trial

In a "normal" case, it takes the doctor around 30 minutes to get the long needle inserted, thread the leads up the spinal fluid, position the lead, check with the fluoroscope, and then have the programmer turn on and double check position.  Usually the patient will feel the shots for the lidocaine and then little else.  Possibly pressure, but little pain. 

In my case, what should have been a 30 minute procedure took over 2 hours.   Having had 3 lumbar surgeries prior, I was full of scar tissue and this doctor was unprepared for this.  Instead of 2, 6 LONG epidural needles were inserted inches up my back and then pulled out and reinserted, over and over.   If you have ever had an epidural for a childbirth, you know how far they stick that needle up your back.  Sadly, my husband was just a few rooms down and listened to the entire ordeal.

Leads in spinal canal.

The problem was, as the doc would try to insert the leads, scar tissue was in the way.  As he pushed and pushed trying to get the lead up my back, it pulled and dragged against the scar tissue, which in turn was pulling and dragging on my already damaged nerves.  The pain was indescribable.  I was on the verge of fainting, BEGGING for more numbing medication as the doc had promised.  He thought I was being a pansy, and was irritated with me.  I was crying out, telling him something was pulling horribly, my body was spasming, shaking, jerking, and every time I jerked, he raised his voice.  

The nurses had given me something to bite into, they were trying to hold me down and still, and all this AFTER 5 numbing shots!!  I pleaded with him to stop (when I could talk between gasps) but he felt he was "so close".  One male nurse tried to get the doctor to try something new, but that didn't go over very well.  Just as he would place a lead, it would shift or move out of position.   This procedure is done under fluoroscopy, a type of x-ray, and each time the lead was placed, they would take a look on the fluoroscope, move the lead some more, take another look.  It was tedious.  My scar tissue was causing the leads to have a mind of their own.

My suffering was so great that the programmer actually fainted from having to watch me go through that.  The procedure had to be paused while they tended to her - she HAD to be there to help with the SCS programming.  It gave me a much needed break and nurses wiped all the tears off my face and nose and put a cool cloth on my forehead to help calm me down.  I couldn't even imagine what Andy was thinking at this point.

After getting the left side placed, the doctor started on the right side (I was being given 2 leads for the trial, since I have pain down both legs.)  This side went perfectly.  NO scar tissue in the way.  At this point, the doctor apologized to me when he realized I must have truly been in agony as he realized I didn't flinch a muscle on the other side.  He knew it hurt enough that everyone flinches, but not me on that side.  It was a piece of cake compared to the left side.

The now-revived programmer hooked me up and turned on the stimulation and I felt buzzing in my stomach.  NOT where my pain was.  I needed to buzz down my legs and buttocks in the back.  At this point, the doctor was D.O.N.E. and scared to do anything else.  He promised me that the programmer could "work magic" with her computer and get the buzzing where I needed it.   

Wires Taped Down

Fanny Pack holding battery with cables hanging down.
Trying to be discreet - more of the equipment.  Grooves in my skin were from sitting on the cables.
Remote control for the Trial.
I was taken to another room to recover and I'll be honest - I was in shock.  Utter shock.  I had never experienced such pain and cruelty in my life.

The programmer came in and just sat with tears in her eyes, not knowing what to say to me.  She had never seen such a disaster in all her experience.  She tried to reassure me that he was just trying to finish rather than abort and send me home.  At that point, I wanted to get out of that place and never come back, but I had to finish the programming.  I would later learn that the doctor was not as trained on my particular SCS leads as another brand, and was not inserting the epidural needle at the proper angle.  I guess angle makes all the difference.  Also, had this doctor been aware of the scar tissue, he should have inserted the needles much higher to avoid it.

She gave me about 15 minutes to collect myself and went to get Andy.  Bless his heart, I was so glad to see him but in such bad shape.   I was honestly just sitting there shaking, my eyes wild, trying to process what had just happened to me.   And then in walks that doctor!!!  He came over, put his hands on my shaking legs and asked me "So, have you had prior surgeries?"  WHAT??????????  What did he think those 3 (THREE) huge scars down my back were from?  He left quickly, seeing the state I was in.  I vowed from that day forward he would NEVER touch me again.   Thankfully, there is another anesthesiologist at this pain clinic I can use, since I am under contract with them to not go anywhere else (required).

The programmer, Mandy, came in to start trying different programs to see if she could get my buzzing in the right place - down the backs of my legs.  She had very little success, and she tried for 1.5 hours!  It was exhausting, but the leads were simply in the wrong place.

I was now all taped up, with the leads taped to my back, and the battery pack in a fanny type purse with a belt, and huge cables hanging down.   One wrong move and the leads could be pulled out of position, so I had to be very very careful.  The trial was for 5 days.

I went home broken and wondering how much therapy I would need to get over that experience.  And it didn't even work.  I wasn't buzzing in the right place.

Around 10PM, my phone rang.  It was Mandy, the programmer, telling me she was so upset she had to call the neurosurgeon and tell him what had happened.  He could hardly believe it, but agreed with her that my leads needed to be moved.  This meant I had to go back in and let that doctor pull the leads down a bit, which should be quick and easy.  That took some convincing, as I was not planning on going near that doctor again in my life.  She promised that pulling the leads back down was nothing like pushing them up the spinal fluid.  I agreed.

And the NS said, if that doctor couldn't do it right, HE would get me in a do another trial himself.  (Unheard of for neurosurgeons to do the actual trials.)

I hardly slept that night, just sick about what that doctor might do to me the next day.  Andy did his best to calm me down but he had listened to what I had gone through and he was deeply upset as well.   Well, God himself was intervening, because as soon as they got me on the table and under the fluoroscope, it was discovered that my leads had dropped down 1 inch!!!!  This would normally be a total disaster, but in my case, it was perfect.  That doctor did not touch me again after all!!!  Hallelujah!!  Praise God!

Mandy was now able to start playing with programs again and found some great programs that worked, giving me several options.  It is truly fascinating what all can be done with the programming.  I preferred the constant buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, while others prefer more "concrete pounding" BUZZ   BUZZ   BUZZ  BUZZ.  So many options.  With the remote control, you can turn it up, down, many choices to help you cover the pain at that moment.

Andy and I joyfully went home and set out to try the new device.  We went to the mall, went out to eat, all things we hadn't done in years because that 30 minute window just didn't allow it.  I was in heaven.  My smile those days was something else.  In fact, here is what I called my "pain free smile", as I can see the relief in my eyes from the suffering I had been through for 3 years at this point.  My nerve pain was 24/7 burning, searing pain.

I had the trial in place for 5 days and it wasn't until the 3rd day that I started to be convinced I would like this.  My back had to recover from the trial procedure and that pain had to calm down before I could truly evaluate whether I wanted to move forward with the permanent implant.  Was the implant procedure going to hurt like the trial?  If so, I was NOT going forward.
Mandy promised me it would not.  Mandy, the programmer, represents our local area for the St. Jude brand of SCS and works with the different pain clinics who do the trials, as well as Dr. Feler, my neurosurgeon who would be performing the permanent implant if I moved forward.

For the SCS to be considered successful, it must relieve 50% of the patient's pain.  For me, it did that.  And after much thought, we decided to move forward.  

To my surprise, I was actually crying the day they removed the trial leads.  I had so much pain relief, I could not imagine going back to my normal level of pain and having to wait several weeks for the permanent.  It was December, and we didn't know how fast I could get in.  The trial lead removal did not hurt AT ALL, thank the Lord.  
A word of CautionI've had many say it was too bad my doctor did not put me under anesthesia for this trial, and then I wouldn't have suffered so much.  Well, think about it this way.  If that doc was willing to jab and push that much scar tissue while I was awake and shrieking, can you imagine what might have happened had I been asleep?  These docs are pushing lead wires through our spinal fluid.  One wrong move and know how bad it could be.  So, we MUST be sure we have experienced doctors performing these trials AND I recommend being awake.

How else would you be able to tell the doctor that you are buzzing in the right place?  An online friend was put to sleep and woken up to be asked "Do you feel buzzing?"  In her stupor, she said yes.  No one asked her WHERE she felt buzzing.  She had to have 2 trials, as the first one was a waste - the programmer could never get the buzzing in her pain area.  There is just so much "magic" the programmer can do if the leads are placed incorrectly.

We are all wired differently.  For my pain coverage, my leads are down at L2, where normally they are up at T-9 or T-10.  But I refused to get off the table until the buzzing was where I needed it, even though I was upsetting my doctor.  After my trial experience, I was not playing games.  I'll be detailing that procedure in the next post.
As it happened, my permanent SCS had to be delayed because I got very ill with acute pancreatitis and ended up in the hospital for 12 days over Christmas that year.   That was an entire drama all it's own, including an almost anaphylactic allergic reaction to the contrast dye (even with allergy protocol) and hives caused my face and eyes to swell, but thankfully not my throat to a dangerous degree.  Just what I needed.  lol

My next entry will cover the SCS permanent implant and life moving forward.


So What Happened To Me? Part 4

To catch up to this point:

I went to the pain clinic I was referred to and was told of my treatment plan - up to 3 selective nerve root blocks, which would be at least 2 weeks apart.   I avoided a 3rd due to these being unsuccessful.  I was anxious to move forward with the SCS trial and had been waiting patiently. 

What is a selective nerve root block?  Click HERE. 

Caution - there is a limit to the number of steroid injections a patient should have in any given 12 month period.  If your doctor has not mentioned this, please do research and ask at your next visit.  Many patients use injections to put off surgery for years and put their bodies at great risk to the side effects of cortisone.

Long-term risks of corticosteroid injections depend on the dose and frequency of the injections. With higher doses and frequent administration, potential side effects include thinning of the skin, easy bruising, weight gain,  puffiness of the face, elevation of blood pressure, cataract formation, thinning of the bones (osteoporsis), and a rare but serious damage to the bones of the large joints (avascular necrosis).
Insurance companies often play a strong role in the required procedures that must be done prior to the bigger, more expensive ones.  Hence, my forced "useless" injections.  Made insurance happy and proved to my Neurosurgeon (NS) that I was, indeed, a candidate for the Spinal Cord Stimulator.

I was first sent for a psychological evaluation, usually required by most docs and most insurance companies, to make sure I was mentally an ideal candidate to have something implanted (sort of like the bionic woman, I always say.  lol)  For some folks, this is a 30 minute visit.  For me (and patients of this particular NS), it was very involved.  I was told to expect a 2 hour visit.
First, I had a 30 minute chat with the psychiatrist and that went well.  He asked how I was and why I wanted this procedure.  I simply told him that if this nerve business could be taken care of, the "old" Cheri would come back.  I told him I was so sad and tired of living 23+ hours a day in my recliner. 

After the chat, he gave me a psychological test to take, the MMPI -2 (Minnesota Multi-phasic Personality Inventory).  This had 567 true/false questions and normally takes 60 to 90 minutes.  Yes, you read that right - 567 questions.

I, at this point, was already in horrid nerve pain from sitting for 30 minutes chatting with the doc and the 25 minute car ride to the appointment (my son drove me, and hubby was picking me up).  I was out of "time" for sitting.  (My limit was only 30-45 minutes before I would be in a massive pain flare causing incapacitating pain - this was the life I wanted changed.)  I'll cut to the chase - within 20 minutes, I was hysterical from pain and my only choice was to get flat on the ground.  That being a hard, concrete floor.  I had a scan tron sheet to color in my answers and the question pages.  I laid flat on my back, held the questions over my eyes shielding the light and did my best to color in the scan tron.  This took F.O.R.E.V.E.R.   The concrete floor was causing even greater distress.  

The doc walked by and saw me bawling with tears streaming as I tried to read through the tears and fill in the little circles with my answers.  He ran and brought me a pillow to put under my head, but I was a basket case.  This was almost "go to the ER level pain", but I had to finish.  I had no choice.

4 hours later, I was finally done.  My husband was beside himself worried it was taking me so long.   My "psych eval" took 4.5 hours total.  UNBELIEVABLE.   I was so worried that my massive pain meltdown would hurt my chances of being approved.  I worried for nothing - the report came back that I was cleared for any and all procedures that might be done on me EVER in the future.  What a relief.

Why the psych eval?  
  1. Make sure patient is psychologically fit
  2. Make sure expectations are reasonable - this is not a cure
  3. Make sure the patient can handle having equipment implanted in them - some people completely freak out.

Spinal Cord Stimulation has been around since the 1960's, but most people don't know that.  
An SCS system looks and works a lot like a pacemaker. In fact, SCS systems are sometimes called “pacemakers for pain.” An SCS system generates mild electrical pulses and sends them to your spinal cord. These electrical pulses replace the feeling of pain with a tingling or massaging sensation.

What typically happens is the pain clinic doctor (an anesthesiologist) will do the trial, as it is supposed to take around 30 minutes and be done easily.  I however, had already had 3 lumbar back surgeries and was full of scar tissue.  Apparently, this doctor did not know that, or did not read my files.  We to this day do not know that answer.

During the procedure, one or more leads are placed in the space along the spinal cord. The leads are typically inserted using a needle. The exact placement depends upon the location of your pain. When the leads are positioned in the best location, they are connected to a portable, external generator. Once connected, the system generates mild electrical pulses that will be programmed to replace your areas of intense pain with a more pleasant sensation known as paresthesia.
 Here is a short video on the SCS:

How Spinal Cord Stimulation (SCS) Works | St. Jude Medical

I will end this post at this point, and start fresh with the SCS trial details.  


Monday, July 26, 2010

Photos of the new place

We've lived in our current rental for 3 summers now (2 years, but finagled our lease to get the maximum amount of pool use - we're smart like that.  lol)  Alas, the landlords (who had never rented their house before and had bought another home kind of on a whim), now really really miss their pool and want to come back.  We will surely miss this gunite, salt-water filtration, waterfall, mood-lit wonder!!  Here's a parting photo of the pool.....

And another one.....

This neighborhood is really suffering from this economy.  Most homes were purchased at the height of the market and now are underwater.  Homes sold around $160,000 or higher but are now selling as low as $125,000.  It is not a good situation. 

We love the freedom right now of renting and saving for our future without the risk of a bad real estate investment.  Being a licensed real estate agent gives an inside track on making this decision.

We searched high and low and when we found this gated condo community, we were sold.  And my great hubs negotiated $200 a month off the lease price - amazing!

If you commit to a detailed search, you can find rentals that look like a home you would purchase.  It can be done!

On to the photos.....

View out the front door.  See the nice storm door?  Gonna love that!

Walking in the front door.  Sunroom ahead, Holt's room and bath to the right, dining room and kitchen (and master bedroom/laundry/garage) to the left.  Note to Sage and Sweety - see that lovely room back there?  That is your new room!   Enjoy!

Standing in the sunroom, taking a photo towards the front door and dining room to the right.  The walls are a light beige, not yellow as they appear.  If you can see, the former tenant loved her screws - screws everywhere!  Living with an engineer, I learned a long time ago that I better use the very smallest nail possible for anything I hang, OR ELSE.  (Frankly, I learned to just let him hang stuff, but I  We cannot remove these screws unless we want a mess on the walls, so we will play the "cover up and pretend they aren't theregame.  But you can bet I took detailed photos to prove we didn't do it!

Taken from corner of living room towards hall to Holt's new room and bath.  Sunroom to the left in this photo.

View from inside sunroom.  Door to right goes to the yard and gate to the driveway.

Holt's room.

Holt and guest bathroom.

Iphone photo from Holt's bedroom door looking into living room.

View from dining room - sunroom to left, Holt's hallway to room and bath to the right.  (Door in the hallway is the linen closet.)

Nice, large kitchen with granite countertops.  Door straight ahead is the garage door.  Laundry is just before that door on the left.  Master bedroom hallway doorway just before the laundry room on the left.  Door on the right is the pantry.


Last two photos taken with my iPhone.  Brought my walker over early on so I would have a place to sit.

Rather large dining room/eat-in kitchen.

Hallway to Master bedroom off the kitchen.

Continued hallway to Master bedroom.

Master bedroom taken from the bathroom.

Master bedroom, another view.  Door to right, bathroom to left.

That is a "real" Jacuzzi brand tub!  lol

Views of master bathroom, the last one from the large walk-in closet.  It will be nice having such a large shower so I can put the chair in there for safety.  Sadly, Andy has to live with the toilet NOT having it's own room and door, but I think he will survive.  That is one of his "pet peeves". 

Laundry room.

2 car garage and the gate to the yard and then sunroom.

Community Pool 

So, there you go - the new photos.  Can't wait to put my touch and decorate.  I'm sure I'll be posting "After" photos some time or another.  
Hope you are having a glorious day.  I'm off to spend more time in the pool while I still can!


Saturday, July 24, 2010

The Secret Toxicity of Cosmetics - have you checked yours?

 Have daughters?  Want to encourage early puberty, infertility, obesity and even breast cancer?

Have sons?  Don't care if they have smaller genitalia or deformed/damaged sperm?  Then don't watch the video!

How about some neurotoxins and a little dab of ADD or ADHD for your kiddos?

Study Shows Infants Exposed to Reproductive Toxins from Shampoo, Lotion and Powder

I've written before about my quest to avoid chemicals in personal care products, particularly sodium laurel sulfate.   It is no easy task! It is really important that we are all aware of this and put pressure on manufacturers to change their ingredients.  Some European countries have already done so.  Why not ours?  

It doesn't just affect babies - it affects all of us.  You will be overwhelmed if you have never researched this topic, even if you choose one ingredient - SLS (Sodium Laureth Sulfate) or Phthalates - you will be SHOCKED. 

It IS possible to get chemical-free products for your family.  A good place to start for skin care products is Simply Divine Botanicals.  Check out the ingredients - your skin will have never looked so good!

Here is the safe cosmetic database to check any and all your products against toxins, including neurotoxins.

Safe Cosmetic Database

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Just Being Nice

Me:  So honey, are you happy with where you are with the move?

Hubs:  I guess I'm happy.  But how do you feel? 

Me:  Oh, I don't have an opinion.

Hubs:  Well, you have to have an opinion - you asked!

Me:  No, honey, just curious.

Hubs:  Well Cheri, I really want to know what you think!

Me:  Sweety, I really don't care honestly. 

Hubs;  Then why did you ask?

Me:   Just bein' nice.  :)


Friday, July 23, 2010

Just being real, y'all

Ok, what a morning.  Thought I'd take a photo of my purty nails - I never get my nails polished, but the salon was running a sweet special  for both pedicure and manicures and I thought I'd take these man-hands and spruce them up, to make hubs smile.  And they sure do look nice!  Better than I could ever do......but anyhoo....

I managed to take the photo pretty easily but then, had to read the name of the polish.   Doesn't sound difficult? Dry Eyes problem is really bad today and I'm effectively blind.  So I thought I'd "be real" and show you how I function on days like this:

Ok, so here is the "real" deal.  Notice my lovely velour pants - in July - in Mississippi - at 1pm?  Yep, folks, this is how I roll.  Lovely nerve damage makes me FREEZING all day long, so I get up, throw on these velour pants (one of 8 pair, I think?  Sitting in a chair all day sure makes pants last a LONG time, I've got some from 2005 still!  lol), I've had the socks on all night long - never take those off unless I'm in the pool or out of the house - and then those lovely slippers.   These are the fancy maroon velour pants; I normally wear black or brown.   And I stay like this ALL day unless I have to go somewhere.....just have to stay cozy so I don't freeze!  If you were to feel my toes you'd be shocked at how ice cold they are, too.

So picture my crazy curly morning hair, nightgown, velour pants, socks, brown velour slippers AND my bent over 105 year old granny body for a few hours and you have one............ummm...........well, let's just say I'm not surprised hubs doesn't look at me directly for a few hours.  lol

Anyway....I could NOT read the name on the bottle.  Not one word, so I grabbed my handy dandy magnifying glass that I use ALL THE TIME (yes, I'm only 44 - it is humbling) and read the name.  "Ate Berries In the Canaries" by OPI nail polish.

As you can see, I'm not overdoing it on the "growing the nails out to be super feminine" or anything.  lol  But hey, hubs WAS smiling to see his favorite man-hands looking special.  I'd get a photo of my purty toes, but two things - one, I'd have to lean down and remove my socks and two, I'd then have to reconnect the camera and download the photo.......maybe next time!

In other news, we got another photo from my sister of our dear youngest son - playin' nice with the extended relatives on my BIL's side.  Will this child be coming home to us or the "old" Holt?  lol

See the rare smile and the seemingly real interest in the game the child is holding?  No, this isn't a joke or a spoof photo.  I really and truly got this sent to my real time!!  Thanks Kelley- gotta save these rare photos for the later years!  Kelley swears he's been like this since he got to Texas and WE left.  Must be the Texas air?  lol

And our move is continuing.  Wait - did I use the right pronoun?  I guess I did, it is OUR move.  But WE'RE not doing it, HE is doing it.  Wanna give credit where credit is due.   Wait, is that fair?  Does taking the move-in photos count for much?  lol   But hey, Sweety (the Pekingese) and I ride along whenever I'm having a good pain day.   And my dear hubby (who is also my Sweety, but I digress....) with all his brute strength got one home theater chair over at the new house, so I can sit and play on my iPhone and be "good".  Hubs seems to prefer the "silent but commanding" supervisory style I've mastered.   Key word - Silent!   I'm like the little kid in the above photo - just give me a game or something to play with, and I'm content.

Don't ya just love un-medicated ADHD?  lol 

I'm working on a post to show photos of the new place and hope to get that up soon.  Stay tuned!

Hope you are having a glorious day!!  (I'm warm and cozy and hope you are too!)


Tuesday, July 20, 2010

I'm an ENFP - Passion, Purpose and Dedication

I thought this photo was appropriate - is this how I make you feel?  lol  Same old story, next verse.  My excitement or passion comes off as overwhelming and "too much".  Well, here is why and I find this fascinating.  Since I account for only 3% of the population, my dream is to accumulate around me other ENFP's for camaraderie and support.  lol  Here you go:


Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiver

For ENFPs, nothing occurs which does not have some deep emotional or ethical significance, and this, coupled with their uncanny sense of the motivations of others, gives them a talent for seeing life as an exciting drama, pregnant with possibilities for both good and evil. This type is found in only about 3 percent of the general population, but they have great influence because of their extraordinary impact on others.

ENFPs are both "idea"-people and "people"-people, who see everyone and everything as part of an often bizarre cosmic whole. They want to both help (at least, their own definition of "help") and be liked and admired by other people, on both an individual and a humanitarian level.  ENFPs are global learners, and are typically very bright and full of potential. 
They live in the world of possibilities, and can become very passionate and excited about new subjects quite easily.  ENFPs have an unusually broad range of skills and talents. They are good at most things which interest them.  Though they are interested in new ideas on principle, many are ultimately discarded for one reason or another. ENFPs have what some call a "silly switch." They can be intellectual, serious, all business for a while, but whenever they get the chance, they flip that switch and become Captain Wildchild. Sometimes they may even appear intoxicated when the "switch" is flipped.

ENFPs have a great deal of zany charm, which can ingratiate them to the more stodgy types in spite of their unconventionality. They are outgoing, fun, and genuinely-liked people. ENFPs are energized by being around others.
They have an exceptional ability to intuitively understand a person after a very short period of time, and use their intuition and flexibility to relate to others on their own level.  As Significant Others/mates, they are warm, affectionate (lots of PDA), and disconcertingly spontaneous.  Friends are what life is about to ENFPs, even moreso than the other NFs. They always strive to hold up their end of the relationship, sometimes being victimized by less caring individuals.  However, attention span in relationships can be short; ENFPs are easily intrigued and distracted by new friends and acquaintances, forgetting about the older ones for long stretches at a time.

ENFPs can't bear to miss out on what is going on around them; they must experience, first hand, all the significant social events that affect our lives.
And then they are eager to relate the stories they've uncovered, hoping to disclose the "truth" of people and issues, and to advocate causes. This strong drive to unveil current events can make them tireless in conversing with others, like fountains that bubble and splash, spilling over their own words to get it all out.  They can talk their way in or out of anything. ENFPs see meaning in everything, and are on a continuous quest to adapt their lives and values to achieve inner peace. They are constantly aware of everything around them and are somewhat fearful of losing touch with themselves.  They strive toward a kind of spontaneous personal authenticity, and this intention always to "be themselves" is usually communicated non-verbally to others, who find it quite attractive. All too often, however, ENFPs fall short in their efforts to be authentic, and they tend to heap coals of fire on themselves, berating themselves for the slightest self-conscious role-playing.

ENFPs often have strong, if unconventional, convictions on various issues related to their Cosmic View. They usually try to use their social skills and contacts to persuade people gently of the rightness of these views; this sometimes results in their neglecting their nearest and dearest while flitting around trying to save the world.

ENFPs are generally pleasant, easygoing, and usually fun to work with due to their tremendous interpersonal skills.  They are known to put job interviewers at ease during their own interviews. ENFPs have the ability to make strangers feel like old friends. They come up with great ideas, and are a major asset in brainstorming sessions. Follow-through tends to be a problem, however; they tend to get bored quickly, especially if a newer, more interesting project comes along. They also tend to be procrastinators, both about meeting hard deadlines and about performing any small, uninteresting tasks that they've been assigned.ENFPs are at their most useful when working in a group with a J(udger type) or two to take up the slack.  ENFPs work best in situations where they have a lot of flexibility, and where they can work with people and ideas. Many go into business for themselves.
They have the ability to be quite productive with little supervision, as long as they are excited about what they're doing.

ENFPs sometimes make serious errors in judgment. They have an amazing ability to intuitively perceive the truth about a person or situation, but when they apply judgment to their perception, they may jump to the wrong conclusions.  ENFPs sometimes can be blindsided by their secondary Feeling function, and are frequently overwhelmed with emotion. Hasty decisions based on deeply felt values may boil over with unpredictable results.
If you are in my life, you might want to read that in its entirety.  lol  I am not weird, I am thrilled to have this passion ......albeit a little overwhelming at times but God made me this way for a reason and hopefully you find more blessings than burdens. 

Have you taken the  Myers-Briggs Personality Test?  Here's one you might want to try for free, but there are many many more online:

Hope you are having a glorious day!


Monday, July 19, 2010

For Those That Just Don't Understand

There are many who cannot understand how a parent can practice tough love with their child during very bad and/or destructive behavior.  Trust me when I say, we have not always.  Spent most of the years thinking THIS will save him, or maybe THAT will save him. 

In the end, all we were doing was fighting for a future HE was not fighting for.

What does "Let Go and Let God" truly mean when your child is lost?  How exactly is this the best thing to do ? 

I just read the following today and thought it was an excellent visualization.  Don't know who to credit (if someone lets me know, I certainly will.)

A mom and dad had a broken child. They prayed and prayed to God to fix their child. After years and years of praying and seeing their child never getting better, they thought maybe God wasn't listening to their pleading prayers.

Then one night an angel appeared to the parents. They cried with broken hearts, telling the angel about all the prayers they had said for their broken child, but nothing ever got better.

Then the angel told them, "You ask God to fix your broken child. He can, in His own good time, and each time He begins, you keep pulling your broken child back to you, thinking you have discovered something new that will fix him. You are in a tug-of-war with God. He can never fix your child if you won't let go."

We are so willing to take our car to the mechanic, and not tell him how to do his job.
We are so willing to let a surgeon operate, and not tell him how to do his job.
We even open our mouths and let a dentist do unseen things inside.

We trust.

If we are so willing to trust humans, why can't we just trust the One Who is All-Seeing, All-Knowing, All-Merciful, All-Wise? Why can't we take the easiest choice, and just give our broken children over to God and let go?

He can't fix them if we keep getting pulling our broken children away from Him.

Hope you are having a glorious day!


Friday, July 16, 2010

Love Has Come by Mark Schultz

I have heard this song many times and brings me peace.  Wanted to share it.

Love Has Come by Mark Schultz


Well, I know this life is filled with sorrow
And there are days when the pain just lasts and lasts
But I know there will come a day
When all our tears are washed away with a break in the clouds
His glory coming down and in that moment

Every knee shall bow, every tongue confess
That God is love and love has come for us all
Every heart set free, every one will see
That God is love and love has come for us all

For anybody who has ever lost a loved one
And you feel like you had to let go too soon
I know it hurts to say goodbye
But don't you know it's just a matter of time till the tears are gonna end
You'll see them once again and in that moment

Every knee shall bow, every tongue confess
That God is love and love has come for us all
Every heart set free, every one will see
That God is love and love has come for us all

Oh, and on that day we will stand amazed
At our Savior, God and King
Just to see the face of amazing grace
As our hearts rise up and sing

Glory, glory, hallelujah
Thank You for the cross
Singing glory, glory, hallelujah
Christ has paid the cost

Glory, glory, hallelujah
Thank You for the cross
Singing glory, glory
Christ has paid the cost

And every knee shall bow, every tongue confess
That God is love and love has come for us all
Every heart set free, every one will see
That God is love and love has come for us all

Love has come for us all
Love has come for us all

And every knee shall bow, every tongue confess
God is love and love has come for us all
Every heart set free, every one will see
God is love and love has come for us all

Every knee shall bow, every tongue confess
God is love and love has come for us all
Every heart set free, every one will see
God is love and love has come for us all