Powerful

My dear pain friends......I ran across this quote today and feel it applies to me and my recovery from the deepest depths of the pain.......(along with reading the book "Opening the Cage of Pain" by Rue Anne Haas).

"Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn't you - all of the expectations, all of the beliefs - and becoming who you are."

- Rachel Naomi Remen, MD, is Clinical Professor of Family and Community Medicine at the UCSF School of Medicine.

If this intrigues you but doesn't make sense at this moment, check out the above mentioned book.  ( (HUGS ) ) 

Pain Relief Summit

As I mentioned HERE, my pain lifted in June, 2011 after 6 long years.  3 lumbar surgeries, multiple attempts at other healing modalities and severe nerve damage later (What happened to me?), I thought there was no hope.

When I saw that this Pain Free Summit was being offered for free, I had to share it.  The woman that wrote the book that triggered my healing, Rue Anne Hass, is a speaker at this summit among many others.

2011 Pain Free Summit
Starts October 3rd.

If you are in pain of any kind, please check this out.  Suspend your worries..suspend your disbelief.  As one guy says, if we can be traumatized in 30 seconds, why can't we be healed quickly?  It doesn't have to make sense.

My story doesn't make "sense".

But it is real.

You have nothing to lose from this free seminar - and everything to gain.

My pain was REAL.

Your pain is REAL.

But it can get better, despite how long it has been here, how much worse it has gotten, how dismal it all seems.

I wish you much pain relief and healing.

"I am nourished by the spirit within.

Every cell of my body is filled with light.

I give thanks for radiant health and endless happiness."

Affirmation Thursday (and Pain update)

(First, before I start...is anyone else "enjoying" the new OS Lion for Mac...where if you don't watch your finger on the mouse, your entire page will just go flying off to the right and disappear?  Horizontal scrolling.....lovely......AGH!  lol)

Okey dokey.....maybe I should have titled this, "Keeping It Real".....I decided to share more details because several have written and upon learning, understood in a deeper way....

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Am I the only girl who likes to control timelines?  Oh my....I truly am doing SO much better than my entire life before, but sometimes I have to stop and realize:  "Hey, I am NOT in control of this".

My favorite affirmations this week are:

I give thanks for the Divinely planned journey under Divinely planned conditions with the Divinely planned supply.

~~~

Adverse appearances work for my good, for God utilizes every person and every situation to bring to me my heart's desire.  "Hindrances are friendly" and obstacles spring boards!

I now jump into my good!

~~~

So, my pain and medication withdrawal update:

7 short weeks ago, I asked my doctor to wean off ALL my pain medications.  Rather than be vague, I will straight up tell you that I was on 300mg of a long-acting pain medication.  Three HUNDRED milligrams.  (You can click on the chronic pain, nerve damage, and spinal cord stimulator links to the right to read all about my diagnoses, conditions, medical test results, etc.)  If you have snacks and drinks, you can read the So What Happened To Me full story....Suffice it to say, there is plenty of medical proof for the medical blessings I have been given.

In early June, my pain lifted  - you can read that story HERE.   I went from 24/7 burning/searing pain to feeling amazing.  In seconds flat.  It was definitely a God-thing.

Now, 7 weeks is super fast and yet I was doing great...my first drop in dose was 100mg and I had 3 hours of restless legs and that was the sum total of withdrawal.  I was so encouraged (after having been warned I may feel like dying...).

At the outset, I wondered if doing so at this time was the smartest idea, as we typically go to Dallas sometime in June or July and that was going to drastically change my physical situation (8+ hour car rides both ways..).  I held steady on the current dosage while gone, but dropped again in dosage the day we drove home.  Ack.

As I hit 60 mg a day, I started to feel it.  At that point, I was on 30 mg, every 12 hours.  When I went to ONE PILL A DAY, 3omg total, I was putting on that smile but the behind the scenes reality wasn't pretty.  The first 3 days of each drop in dose, I would "feel it" but then my body would adjust and I'd have 3-4 days of feeling good before the next drop.

Until last Sunday I went to NO more medication (except what is called "BT - breakthrough meds, of which I am allowed 2 a day.).......

Well, I will just say straight up - Oh My Goodness.  My wonderful, LITERAL husband just stared at me with so much compassion but a huge question:

Why would a girl who was just walking 12 miles a week and just got her entire life back DO THIS TO HERSELF?  

I had to explain to him, again, the realities of being a pain patient.  (If you are a pain patient, you already know....)

The United States is having a war on pain meds.  Because of abuse and addition, ALL legitimate patients NEEDING these meds are being attacked.  It is humiliating to go to ANY doctor and have to admit being on these meds because they DO NOT WANT YOU AS A PATIENT.  Why?  We are ALL seen as "drug seekers".  (There are many "patients" who lie to get the meds, to promptly turn around the sell them.  Some for evil motives, others to simply pay their mortgage.)  But nevertheless, the nurses and docs at these clinics are TRAINED to be on the lookout for abuse and lies.

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And I was tired of it.  I have wires and leads in my spinal fluid, for goodness sakes...that doesn't "PROVE" I am not lying?  Answer - it does NOT.

To start off with, most pain patients are required to sign a contract stating that they will get NO other pain-related meds from any doctor unless in an emergency situation.  (I don't have a problem with this - just wanted to add this for those that don't know how serious it is...)

I was tired of being drug-tested 3+ times a year.  (Sometimes with stick tests in office and other times with it being mailed off.)  

WHY drug test me?  To make SURE I have the meds I am prescribed IN MY SYSTEM.   (Whereas, most drug tests are used to prove there AREN'T drugs in your system.)  Isn't that a shock?  To prove I'm not selling them.

(Willingly submitting for an employment drug test feels entirely different, btw.)  Knowing that any minute, any single thing you do or say could get you "kicked out" of the only place that helps you live your life.....


While I am very thankful there are doctors willing to put up with this mess, I wish there was a better system.  I'm personally in favor of a national database that shows what and where...to stop "doc shopping".

I just wanted a different life.  To be perfectly honest.  I wanted to go to EVERY doctor I have and happily announce what I had done.  That I was FREE.

So.  I have had tears this week, with the return of some pain.  

Am I proud of myself for dropping 300mg in 7 weeks?  ABSOLUTELY.  

But why more pain?

Well...to revisit the beginning of this post....I am NOT in control of the timeline.  Duh, Cheri.  Who am I to claim it will be complete in 7 weeks?  Silly silly Cheri.

Today, I had my pain appointment.  And guess what?  I was drug-tested to see if I am now on marijuana for pain relief (illegal in my state and never prescribed) because WHO just says, "I want to be off pain meds?"  This was a red flag.  I am serious.

GRRRR....

I passed the drug test(S)......Duh....and they then proceeded with my appointment.  Because I react extremely negatively to any "nerve" medications (which are actually seizure medications mostly)...I have gone back on a tiny dose of pain medication.....45 mg a day.   And we are not shelving the plans to get off again.

Guess what the doctor said?  Getting off that much meds in that short of time likely has thrown my body in to sort of a "shock".  Not a "dead in a minute" sort of shock, but just too much, too soon.  That encouraged me. I plan to get my sea legs back and work on my MIND.....my affirmations....

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I KNOW why the pain returned......there is another lesson for me to learn.  And I'm up for it....pain is a nice motivator.  :)

As my beloved friend Barbara said:  "As it says in the Bible, 

 "It Came........to PASS." 

Most people say it as one thing..............it CAME to PASS.....

But really....say this with the pauses....

It Came.........................To Pass.

So, while my journey has hills and valley, it IS Divinely planned.

Oh, and one more thing.  I sadly discovered that one thing that caused a massive fire BLAST in pain was drinking/eating sugary food items.  AGH!!!  So, on top of everything else, I have given up 90% of the sugar in my life.  Woo Hoo!!  Sugar is not healthy, anyway...but I didn't know if I could ever do it.  Fire in the butt sure helped that.  (BTW, my blood test results are not diabetes or pre-diabetes related......a former holistic-minded MD told me that SUGAR is the number one enemy of pain.  She cured herself of Fibromyalgia after everything she knew about medical science failed her.  This began her holistic journey and while she still can and does treat medically, she STARTS with food and things we ingest, every single patient.  She said it got her escorted out of a few Fibromyalgia meetings, as almost any pain patient will tell you.....sugar is one thing that makes us happy when nothing else seems to be working.)

I hope I covered everything...let me know if you have any other questions....

Health Update

I am doing GREAT!  More than great.....just blessed.


Since I last wrote HERE and HERE about the pain lifting, I have:


1.  Continued to walk 2 miles 3-4 times a week at the local park with hubs and our larger dog...it is an asphalt trail around lakes, up and down hills.....fun!


2.  Am in the process of getting off ALL associated medications and as we speak, am down a full 1/3 in dose.  The medication I was given to help with any effects hasn't been needed...I have taken ONE (and I was allowed  2 a day AND told to prepare for the worse flu of my life.  Didn't happen.  Just a little tiredness for a few days......walking helped that!)  I will decrease a 1/3 every two weeks....so in 6 weeks or less, I will be MEDICATION FREE!!!!!!!!  This alone is a major answered prayer in my life.  My gift to myself......


3.  Ended up getting 7 free facials to help my face heal from the spa incident.....and had my last one yesterday.  Boy do facials feel good and the associated massage of the neck, head and  face.....


4.  My Spinal Cord Stimulator remote (the part that allows me to control the stimulation....)continued to be on the fritz...and just TODAY did I get a replacement part that actually worked.  It has been a comedy of errors that most would not believe...and frankly, had I BEEN in pain, I would have been committed by now.  God is amazing though, and my SCS didn't break until the day my pain lifted.  How cool is that???  (I ended up having to record with my iphone the "acting up" since in the presence of docs and programmers, it worked fine. Just like when a female takes a car to get services and it doesn't act up.  Ugh. ) Never to be disbelieved, I happily forwarded 4 videos, PROVING the trouble.  Don't underestimate a driven woman. Even though I don't need the SCS at this moment, I do prefer it to be working.....since it is implanted and all....that just sounds like a good idea....

Can you see the problem with the first wand they sent me?  The old one is on the left.......

When I called to explain the problem (as the guy on the other end had an accent and was not easily understanding me....I kept saying, "You sent me a GIRL, and I need a BOY wand."  I can only imagine what he was thinking, but to ME, it seemed the best way to describe it.  lol  This is the part I put on my upper hip and communicate how much stimulation I want through the remote...


All in all, I feel FABULOUS.  Just got back from going to the grocery store myself...got the groceries, put them in and out of the cart....carried to the car.......Hubs will be SHOCKED when he gets home.  Edit - hubs just got home and IS shocked and said, "Wow, when was the last time you did THAT!  You should put that on your blog" and I told him I already was....hee hee....  :)


God answers prayers!!!!!!!  Don't give up.....never give up.  Be careful what you focus on.....because what we focus on....grows.  Believe the pain will lift.  Dream as if it already has.....Trust me......with my medical "proof"...this can only be explained by "it's a God thing".

The Science Behind The Power Of Our Thoughts

For those of you more logical and linear, I wanted to share with you the science behind this process - How I forgave myself and my 6 year long pain lifted.


The Bible tells us in Romans 12:2 - "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind...."


God says we are to renew our minds.  This explains HOW.

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Last summer, I read about a book titled, Who Switched Off My Brain  - Controlling Toxic Thoughts and Emotions by Dr. Caroline Leaf.  She is a Communication Pathologist and a Neuroscientist.  She has studied our thoughts for 26 years now and she is amazing.   Be sure to get the REVISED edition.  Her research shows that 87% to 95% of the illness that plaque us today are a direct result of our thought life.


This book knocked my socks off...very much based on the Bible.....it tells how our thoughts chemically affect our behavior, personal diseases and the healing process.

Here is what you need to know:  

Every time you have a thought, it is actively changing your brain and your body - for better or worse.

From 2nd Corinthians 10:5 -" ....and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;"


And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing.  Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable.  Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.  - Phillipians 4:8 NLT


Every single thought we have matters.....it affects our glial cells in our brain.  Every toxic thought literally lays down a neural pathway to make it EASIER to have more toxic thoughts and the opposite is true.  


Dr. Leaf discusses how we have the Dirty Dozen - 12 areas of our lives affected by toxic thinking:


Toxic Thoughts
Toxic Emotions
Toxic Words
Toxic Choices
Toxic Dreams
Toxic Seeds
Toxic Faith
Toxic Love
Toxic Touch
Toxic Seriousness
Toxic Health
Toxic Schedules


As I was planning this post, I ran across this interview done Monday.  Please watch this:



I was trying so hard to get this to embed the video here but I'm still becoming friends with my Mac...so PLEASE click this link - you will be SO glad you did!!  


She explains how this works plus has a story of a lady who was so bitter and locked in unforgiveness that she had Stage 4 breast cancer and what she did about it.  In fact, studies show that 61% of cancer patients suffer unforgiveness, many severe.

Dr. Caroline Leaf Interview

Did you watch it?  PLEASE go back....you won't be sorry.  You may know someone who needs to see this video TODAY.

*Thank you so much for the wonderful response to my post on Forgiving Myself.  Your comments and emails mean the world to me.  I didn't know how this would be received and I do not want to make anyone currently suffering chronic pain to feel uncomfortable.   We all are in our own place on this journey and for some, this makes sense.  For others, it is upsetting.  Reading these books will be so helpful, I promise.

I Forgave Myself.....

I was ready.  I was ready to forgive.  I was ready to open my mind to the truth.  I wasn't ready before.  Now was the time.


This was the key?  I've known since day one that my pain was related to what was happening in  my life when it first appeared...everything in my life I knew to be true was turned upside down.  Struggles and trials I wished on no one were in my life.....and I felt powerless.  
The details are unimportant - my reaction WAS.  (For those new to my blog, see on the side bar links to Chronic Pain, Nerve Damage, So What Happened To Me, etc.  Basically, I was injured in 2005, had 3 back surgeries in 12 months and was left with diagnosed severe nerve damage and was finally given an implanted spinal cord stimulator (scs) kind of like a pacemaker for nerves...with a remote control.....and I buzz on the inside like a massage chair rather than feeling the full intensity of the searing nerve pain.  I spent much of my time reclined...keeping the pressure off my S1 nerves.)


No matter what I did to help the situation, nothing changed.  And being such a perfectionist and NOT wanting what WAS happening, I collapsed.  In pain.  More appropriately, denial.  I went in to denial. My conscious mind was overwhelmed and I just collapsed.

However, from day one, I KNEW I would be healed.  Despite my medical records, despite the very real MRI's and CT Scans that show what they show.....diagnosis of decimated nerves....despite the surgeons coming out and telling Andy "Holy moly, how was she even walking..."surgeries that filled my back with metal...and then spinal cord stimulation.....

My "high pain tolerance" that I used to be proud of?  It was no friend of mine.

Then came the subject of social security disability.  Every one told me to file for disability.  Because I had only worked a few years after having been a stay at home mom (SAHM) for many years, I only had a certain amount of time to qualify.  And we could really use the money.  After years spent reclined, who wouldn't?  I wouldn't.  My thinking was, I would be telling the world I will NOT be healed.  It would make it REAL.

Family and friends were perplexed, noticing it WAS real already.  lol  But I have this side of my personality...I call it tenaciousness....I had faith.  Without it, I couldn't imagine where my mind might have gone.  As you can only imagine, the experience of 24/7 burning/searing sensation is ..............something no one should experience.

4 weeks ago, I saw a book online and ordered it immediately:

Opening the Cage of Pain with EFT by Rue Anne Hass.

Having explored and used EFT (Tapping) in the past, I was very intrigued. EFT uses acupressure points on the face, neck, collarbone and hands to relieve issues.   In this book, she states:

"I believe that chronic pain can emerge from years of hiding, holding back, caging or repressing our deepest self-expression.  Chronic pain is the body's expression of emotional and spiritual pain.  Pain gets our attention!  It is calling us to free our deep spirit."

I started saying to myself quotes in this book:

"Even though I get overwhelmed, but I swallow my real feelings, soldier on, and tough it out, I realize that is making me sick.  I love and accept who I really am.  I honor my deep inner strength, my truth and my goodness."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Even though my heart feels heavy and tight and sad, I honor myself for how hard this has been, I understand and I even forgive myself.  I was doing the best I could.  I choose to love and appreciate this powerful, world changing soul quality I have been so blessed with." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So, it did not surprise me when I received an email from Barbara Rogers,  the owner of Simply Divine Botanicals online asking to speak directly with me (she had seen my posts with my testimonials of her products).....she called an hour after receiving my number.

Her first question:
"Cheri, when will you be ready to forgive yourself?"

She explained what I already knew....that pain (lingering pain, not "just had an accident acute pain") stems from grief and shame.  Pain comes in to our lives to give us a message.

I have ALWAYS believed this.  ALWAYS.

I thought I HAD done all the forgiving needed.  I forgave others involved.  But guess what?

I had NOT forgiven myself.

I set about immediately to do so....meanwhile, she recommended these books:

The Game of Life and How to Play It by Florence Scovel Shinn

and

Heal Your Body A-Z by Louise Hay

In this book, it explains that


Low back pain: Fear of money, lack of financial support.

DING DING DING

For this, one should repeat:  "I trust all the processes of life.  All I need is always taken care of.  I am safe."

Sciatica:   Being hypocritical.  Fear of money and the future.


For this, one should repeat:  "I move into my greater good.  My good is everywhere, and I am secure and safe."

See, at the exact moment of pain onset, I had started a new career, training new real estate agents to believe in themselves, be all they could be.....that the sky is the limit.  Yet, I could not affect change in my own life.  I could not convince family members to do the same.  I felt like a hypocrite.

In the book Game of Life....it quotes Jesus and the Bible throughout.  For example:

"Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it [are] the issues of life."
King James Version  Proverbs 4:23


Pain served a purpose in my life.....it took me from being a mile a minute, hyper girl to someone who learned to be PRESENT.  I had nothing else to do BUT learn to be present.

I consider the last 6 years to be a learning experience for me.  I am such a different person.  I value so much more.  For one, I value my mobility.

Let me share with you some interesting things since the pain lifted 2 weeks ago:

The DAY of the phone call and my pain lifted, we were driving down the road my SCS remote beeped at me from my purse. It never does this.  Long story short, it was BROKEN.  I hadn't turned myself "up" for the day and now, no stimulation.

Well....if my pain is gone, I don't NEED stimulation, right?   (Hello God, I see you....I feel you...you got my attention!!)

It is now 15 days and I have still not had my remote "fixed"....despite the promise of a 2 day turnaround.  More proof the pain is gone, eh?

Andy and I have been walking together at the park....on a 2 mile trail....with hills and valleys.....and I got new tennis shoes that simulate sand and my hips/legs/calves are getting quite the workout.

We have gone down to the condo weight room and lifted weights.  ME!!!!!!  And I bounced out of bed the next day....no "recovery" period.

My greatest lessons so far:

Our thoughts are very powerful.

Our words are MORE powerful.

What we actually write?  Becomes law in our life.  

I am in the process of going back to all my profiles and changing what I wrote and I am watching how I refer t0 my situation.  When something happens today that I wasn't expecting, I ask myself, "God, for what blessing has this occurred?"

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I am whole.  I am healed.  I am forgiven.

I am now to go fulfill why I was put on this earth.........my intense learning session has completed and I will never be the same.  I will forever grateful for this experience.  I truly will.  Onward now to learn what is next!

Starting now, I will use this story to help others.....and I can't wait.


P.S.  The science behind our thoughts and illness is solid.  I will be sharing a post soon showing more of the scientific background on this subject.  Just as we can make ourselves ill we can heal ourselves as well.  Dr. Caroline Leaf, a cognitive Neuroscientist,  wrote the book, "Who Switched Off My Brain" which I read last summer.  AMAZING.  It IS scientifically proven......

Where Have I Been and Spa Doggie Photos?

Where have I been?  Well, we've had the blessing of getting to switch to being a Mac family, due to an unexpected  Dell system failure.  And lucky me, I DID backup mid-April...so all was not totally lost.  And the best thing about blogging your entire life online?  BACKUP!!  Almost everything not backed up is sitting here on my blog....just the last batch of photos that hadn't made it into posts yet BUT were still in my phone....can we say "Oh yeah!!!" for not deleting photos in the phone automatically??


In the meantime, I thought I'd share some Beauty Spa photos of my girlz......


Miss Sage, our Golden Retriever/German Shepherd Mix Rescue

Her new summer "do"...

Queen B...er.....I mean Sweety.... purebred Pekingese

Here new summer "do"

We thought we might take the groomer some Pekingese haircut photos...what do you think?  lol

In other news, my pain has lifted.....as in G.O.N.E.      I feel amazing!  I will have a post soon detailing exactly HOW...I can't wait to share!  I feel wonderful...have been walking a 2 mile trail with hills and valleys, working out in the condo weight room......the details give me goosebumps!


Now back to manifesting all my fave bookmarks and other items off in the land of dead computers.....in other good news....when we get this one resurrected, Andy has a new computer!    Lucky Guy!

Must See Video on Pain and the Future

Although I cried the entire 8 minute video, it is very worth seeing.  And I can only hope that something can be discovered very soon.

Day to day, my legs burn hip to toes but when my weird back pain kicks in, it feels like that blow torch on the top of my skin intensely.  Usually, however, it feels like the blow torch is deep in my leg.....to toes.

Doesn't help that I've been in a pain flare for 2 weeks...thought I was getting better....then went today for another facial (to help the face situation)......and now I'm paying for it.  Hard.  (Not sure when I will post this....so that will probably be a few days old news.)

I just want to tell you.....if you suffer from any type of chronic pain, I am so SO sorry.  I "get it".  I truly do.

Taking a Risk

Over at The Nester's blog, she asked today about risk taking.  If anyone feels like they have taken a risk, to post about it and join her party.  It stopped me in my tracks as I realized I DID take a risk.  

A big one.

Having been through 3 lumbar back surgeries in 12 months and still suffering immense pain, in hindsight it WAS a huge risk to move forward with the Spinal Cord Stimulator (SCS) trial and surgery.  Putting wires and leads in my spinal fluid?  Having a battery in my buttock?  Having wires threaded down my back, mid-back to hips?  Being told that a 50% reduction in pain would be considered a success.  50%?  

But you know what, 50% is a LOT of pain relief, when you suffer the pain I endure.  I have permanent, severe nerve damage.  After the 3rd surgery that DID stabilize my back, my nerves were left permanently damaged.  From what or when, no one will ever know.  But the S1 nerves in both legs burn ALL DAY and ALL NIGHT long.  Searing is a good word.  24/7.   And on really bad days, I get what I call "lightning strike" pain - a pain that will shoot through my hips and out my toes, down my entire leg.  Sometimes it is just a flash.  Other times, it stays a while.  Either way, it takes my breath away and if I were driving, I don't know if I could control the car.  (Reason #1 I rarely drive).  I've never been struck by lightning, but I imagine it would feel something like that.

After many months of suffering, my beloved neurosurgeon recommended I either try the SCS (Spinal Cord Stimulator) or get an implanted pain pump. NO other options.  

I was so scared.

What if it didn't work?

What if something went wrong and I ended up in a wheelchair the rest of my life? (Any time working on the spinal cord is a huge risk.)

But I was nearing zero quality wife and mother at that point......I lived fully reclined 24/7.....shouldn't I do it for them?

What happened during the SCS trial was almost inhumane.  A nightmare of epic proportions.

But at the end of the day, I STILL (even after that trial horror), went forward and trusted my neurosurgeon and trusted God that this WOULD be an answer.  That this WOULD give me some of my life back.

The SCS is like a pacemaker for nerves.  Have you ever sat in a massage chair to get a pedicure, or at a store?  Well, I massage INSIDE my body, 24/7.  JUST LIKE THE MASSAGE CHAIR.  It is the freakiest thing!  

But while my body is massaging, my brain is saying,"What is going on????  Why are we buzzing"?  While my brain is busy trying to figure that out, my burning/searing leg nerve pain isn't getting through at full intensity.  Hence, the relief I experience.  When my brain figures this trick out, we will be up a creek and looking at new options, I suppose.  But so far, so good.

And it did.   I'm not the old Cheri, never will be.  But I can walk longer than 30 minutes.  I can go out to dinner, I can go to the mall, I can go to a movie with my sweety.   I no longer live 24/7 fully reclined and that is a blessing.  My husband got most of his wife back.   He rarely comes home to find me crying.  That is huge.  There is only so much his heart can take.  Nothing more helpless than being a man who can't help his wife.   Little does he know that just letting me lay on his shoulder and cry means the world.

So today, my husband proudly tells people he has a wife with a remote control.  Who wouldn't want that?  lol   I can turn myself up, I can turn myself down.  I have to "charge" myself every few weeks.  I even have fun little tricks I can do that most SCS users don't enjoy.  God gave me a few little extra gifts, and for that I am forever grateful.

At the end of the day, I had to choose to trust a 4th surgeon to help me, had to trust that he wouldn't further harm me. 

He helped me.  An answered prayer.

I thank God for Spinal Cord Stimulation.

I thank God for technically excellent neurosurgeons.

I thank God for the most supportive, nurturing husband in the world.

I thank God for supportive family and friends.

I thank God for people who propped me up when I was ready to give up.

And I thank God for what I do still have. 

I am a lucky girl.

I try hard to make sure no one knows I suffer if they see me from a distance.  Only by watching closely will you notice the sparkle missing from my eyes, or you might see me stumble as I try to pretend I can still feel my feet and my balance is normal.  Ever the actress.

I pray you never experience pain like this.  If you do or if you know someone who does, please tell them about Spinal Cord Stimulation.  I'm surprised at how many people haven't heard of it.  It is designed for nerve damage pain in particular.  

I share my story on this blog because there are so many pain sufferers home-bound.  Finding others who understand, who truly understand.....is priceless.  I love the new friends and emails I receive from new friends I meet through my story.

So What Happened To Me?

Other links on the right hand:  Chronic Pain, Intractable Pain, Nerve Damage and Spinal Cord Stimulation.

Faith is powerful.

Joining this party for the first time, here are this week's questions:

1. Do you make a budget and keep it, or just fly by the seat of your pants?

Yes, we have a very detailed budget.  We keep our money balanced to the penny.  We have the paychecks automatically deposited into one account that the general bills get paid out of (the fixed bills, mostly).  Then, a chunk of money gets then automatically transferred to another bank where hubby gets cash the Saturday after every payday.  (every 2 weeks)  THIS cash goes in our wallets and is used to pay the following:

Grocery

Walmart

Sam's

Health Food store items/supplements

Any miscellaneous spending

Eating out

If we want to go out to eat, I look in my wallet.  If there is no money, we don't go!  It is very simple. Some folks say that having cash in their wallet gets spent faster.  For me, seeing cash makes me hoard it - I don't like to spend it. 

2. Do you do spring cleaning and if so which month?

No, we clean year round.  This has always been on of OUR issues....both clean freaks.  We move so often that things never get cluttered up.  

3. Are you a yard sale lover and do you have them and go to them?

No!  Will rarely go to one and even more rarely will I hold one.  We hired an estate guy once to operate our garage sale and we made (after his cut) $5000.  He priced things MUCH higher than I ever would have and because he had such a following (folks knew he only took on great sales)...he pulled those prices.

However, we have purchased MUCH of our furniture and other items out of the classifieds or online sale sites.  Many amazing deals to be had - folks moving, getting a divorce, financial distress sales.....can get really great prices and not have to pay full price OR drive around to a zillion yard sales.  lol

4. What do you take when you have a headache?

I take a product called Charcoal, from the health food store.  A holistic MD we had a few years back recommended taking Charcoal for headaches and if you know you just ate something you should not have.  It absorbs whatever it is that is triggering the headache.    Works amazing on me.  Since hubby found out he is officially allergic to Tylenol and cannot have Advil, he is struggling to get on the Charcoal bandwagon.  When he takes it, his headaches go away. 

5. Name 3 things that you feel lucky to have in your life!

I feel lucky to have my family - especially my husband.  We have been through SO much and it seems to never end, but he's a wonderful, faithful guy.  At the end of the day, despite other issues that might cloud things, his heart is golden.   

I feel lucky to have my positive spirit/glass half full mentality.  Wouldn't make it another day with this pain if I did not believe in something greater to come.  If I had known that my future would never have another pain-free minute EVER, I would have stopped and taken in through all 5 senses the relief....the relief I never knew WAS relief.   I now try to live as if I may not have tomorrow so I don't get caught in regret later.  It's tough, but gives me purpose.  I consider this a gift because I CHOOSE it.  It helps me reach out to others who are currently struggling with their chronic pain and haven't found a place of peace yet.

And I am thankful for my dogs - they bring much joy to my mostly reclined/distract from nerve pain life I'm living.  Dogs just have a way of doing that - unconditional love.

 Hop on over to Night Owl Crafting and meet other women!