25 Years Ago Today

After knowing each other less than 8 months, we got married.

Engaged!

I'm feeling really old right now!  lol

2 grown boys, a lifetime of experiences, 7 states, building our 15th house...friends all over the map.....

A surprise Renewal of Vows Wedding just prior to year 10 - he pulled it off...I had NO clue!

Aww...look at the boys...they went to school and told everyone their parents got married.......that was fun in a tiny Arkansas town of 10,000!

Our heart is in Dallas and some day we will get back there....(funny how 22 years ago when we left to move to Arkansas "briefly", we said we were only leaving temporarily.....).  Lesson learned!

Really poor iPhone photo from the other night

I've often wondered...how many people have lost money on the bets?

Here's to another 25 honey!

Show Us Your Life - Marriage Advice

I really thought I had already written about this....guess I had plans.....:)

When I saw this as the subject over at Kelly's Korner in her Show Us Your Life series....Marriage Advice...I thought it was about time...

We met and married in under 8 months and I can't say we knew much about marriage.  We've been through some really tough times.  Things we could control and much we could not.

Multiple moves (14 houses, 7 states)

Job Loss

Financial Collapse

Miscarriages (4 babies lost in 3 pregnancies)

Health Disaster (and healing!!!)

Marriage stress

Children stress (heart break version)

........

So I just wanted to share one huge thing with everyone.  If you get to the end of your rope....you think you cannot go on....there is no hope left...even if you are dealing with some big issues (we were not, thank goodness)... and all you care about is telling your kids and everyone else you did everything you could?

Then go to Retrouaville -  A Lifeline For Marriages.

A program to help couples heal and renew their marriage.

• Do you feel lost, alone or bored in your marriage?

• Are you frustrated, angry or hurt with your spouse?

• Are you constantly fighting?  Or, do you simply shut down?

• Have you thought about separation or divorce?

• Does talking only make it worse?

•          

•   ..............Retrouvaille provides the marriage help!

Retrouaville is an INTERNATIONAL organization dedicated to saving marriages.  3 couples who have "BTDT - been there done that" lead the weekend....Friday evening to Sunday morning...and what you will learn and share will just leave you speechless.  In our group, folks were there who had already filed,  were suffering from adultery or addiction, atheists/agnostics and one couple had already divorced!!  From what we could tell, all but one couple reconciled with exuberance and the one that did not..walked out holding hands as friends.

You've likely heard of the Marriage Encounter weekends...those are for good marriages to get a refresher course.

Retrouvaille is for the hurting marriage, the marriage hanging by a string.....even if you are already divorced, or already filed or SO OVER IT you can't imagine even saving it BUT you DO want to know you tried everything.

I can promise you this - if Retrouvaille does not only restore your marriage but bring you back to the reasons you married in the first place, it WILL bring you peace about moving forward.  You WILL be able to confidently say you tried everything.

We owe our 24 year+ marriage to the lessons and discoveries we made around year 15 or so....when friends kept our boys and we trudged off with bad attitudes to the "we did everything we could" marriage seminar.

The "us" that came back to retrieve our boys left our friends amazed.  They hadn't seen anything like it. Nor had we.

Since that experience, we regularly go to marriage seminars in general...just to keep fresh on meeting each other's needs and not taking each other for granted.  It is great to have time just for US.

You owe this to yourselves or to the friends/family you know who NEED this information.

Best of all?  It is free to those who have no means for donation.  You won't be sorry.  Trust me.

Click the link above or below and see when the next available weekend is in your area.


Good luck and God Bless!

Retrouvaille

Weekend Wrap-up

We had a great weekend!  Hubby surprised me with a night in a local hotel - a free voucher that expired that weekend (nothing like cutting it close) and it was a gift from all the traveling he did last year.  (Don't remind me!!)  Very belated birthday present - things just kept coming up and we barely made it while the voucher was invalid.   We are BIG believers in "date nights" and spending time nourishing our marriage.

It was nice, just the two of us and only being about 15 minutes away from home.  Went to dinner, watched movies and just spent time together.  It was at one of those hotels that has a separate bedroom, a living room and small kitchen.  So perfect. 

And then.  I woke up to the sound of intense vomiting.  Never good.  Poor hubby - was just not feeling very hot.  But it was odd - he didn't "look" sick - not like he usually looks.  In fact, once he was done vomiting, he felt much better.  We got a late checkout, he went back to sleep and we came straight home when we got up and around.  He laid around the rest of the day...not sure if he is sick or a tummy reaction (lots of food reactions lately/allergies).  I, for one, am praying it was NOT contagious!!!  Yikes!  

 In other news, we ran by JoAnn's Fabric and Craft store to get yarn and they had this makeup mirror on clearance for a huge savings.  The OTTLITE Natural Make up Mirror - Normally $99.99, it was marked down to $29.99.   I can't believe that price - AWESOME deal!!!!!  (On the website, they are running a deal for $69.99 if interested.   

The makeup mirror/light I have currently is maybe 15 years old?  Or even older?  It has been well used.  lol  The Ottlite makeup mirror boasts true, natural color.  When I turned it on, I was impressed - much different than my other one.

(Oh, it is currently $49.99 online at JoAnn's - you might check your store and see if they have it on super clearance!!)

The mirror also tilts and has 5X Zoom on the other side.  Talk about SEEING EVERYTHING.  Whoa......... lol

I am praying that hubby wakes up tomorrow morning good as new.  His entire office was in and out sick last week and we fear he has it.  (And I guess WE now.  lol)  Sure had a good time prior to the vomiting, though!  (He has 3 more vouchers valid until this summer, so looking forward to those!)

Do You Know Your Apology Language?

Apology Language?  HUH??  I did not know there was such a thing!  Someone posted about it on another site and I was intrigued.  Sure enough, it is related to "The 5 Love Languages".  

Did you know there are 5 "types" of apologies?  And if we have a preferred style, then we can have difficulties accepting and giving apologies with our spouse if their style differs?  I had no idea!!

I took the 20 question test and found out I score 50/50 on 

Accepting Responsibility 

and 

Expressing Regret.

I had ZERO on the other 3 choices!  I wonder now if my husband's apologies might come in those forms and based on what I learned reading the questions and choices, I had many "A HA" moments.  Other choices were 

Making Restitution

Genuinely Repenting

Requesting Apology

And something that was really freaky - one of the questions was an EXACT problem I have in my life, right this second, and it made me stop and consider, just how would I like it to be resolved (from the other person). 

I really encourage you to take this test and just see.  Maybe you will be surprised as I was!

Apology Language Quiz

Let me know what your "types" were!  I have a feeling that wives and moms of aspies (Asperger's) are high on the "Accepting Responsibility" choice.  This IS our life.

Date Night

This weekend has been so much fun!  We:

Had a wonderful date night to Outback Steakhouse.  We had so much fun chatting, holding hands, sharing food and drinks, visiting with the waiter.  We're still talking about it all day today.  So sad to see those folks who sit staring at their food or watching other people, with little to no visiting with their spouse.  Just ran out of things to say after all these years.  Settling.  A dirty word in our home.

Took this photo using the new reverse photo feature on iPhone, where you see yourself before you snap.  Andy laughs at how much I fluff my hair, and try to keep my eyes from squinting shut.  Am I just old?  What is with all my photos having squinty eyes?  I refuse to tone down my smile just to have my eyes open.   :)  And I have one eye open here, so success!!

Now why this is so red I have no idea.  I was playing around with a new camera application choosing colors and different effects, but I was positive I cleared it all.  Hmmm....

And that shirt is a gorgeous deep eggplant color, so not sure why it looks royal blue.  Does it look royal blue to you?

And I mentioned my new "silent but commanding" supervisory style I'm using while moving?  (Or, errr, watching Andy move?)  Here is a photo - sitting in my chair at the new place, reclined, playing with my phone, being a loving, supporting and quiet wife, after chatting all the way there and then back.  Ha!

Ahh....it might not be an exciting life, but it is a great life.  With a great man.  And a great relationship.  And a closeness I always dreamed and prayed for and after a mere 23 years, it is here!  Thank you, thank you, thank you, cognitive behavior counseling.  Praise God!!

Girls, I'm living proof that if we put all our energy into focusing on what we can change, what we can improve and using every spare moment as an opportunity to show our man our much we respect, appreciate and love him?  Reap the rewards, just simply reap the rewards.  

All the other stress and nightmare issues in our life can just wait their turn.  We're busy loving each other like we only have today to do it. 

It's contagious - spread the love!

Have a glorious day!

Happy Happy Day

When was the last time you looked at your spouse and just couldn't believe how lucky you are?  Today was another one of those days.  I tell you what, but something is going on here.  I just want to pinch myself most days.  How DID I get so lucky?

Today after an appointment, I was walking out the door when I looked up to see who was holding it - my husband!  He had totally surprised me having left work a tad bit early to greet me. What a surprise!  Holt was with me and just rolled his eyes.  Just what he wanted - kissing and hugging parents.  In PUBLIC!  Gasp! 

Just a moment ago, I was reading a new favorite blog and ran across this new series starting next week with Courtney at Women Living Well.  

Completing Him Challenge - Be the woman your man needs. June 7 - August 9, 2010.

This fits perfectly with my goals of late - truly striving to make my husband happier than he's ever been.  Or doing my best trying!

I got to thinking the other day, how was I doing in the area of being an encouraging wife?  Years ago, I remember a friend sharing that her husband told her he dreaded coming home each day.  

I took a mental inventory and imagined what it was like for my husband:  what state was the house in?  Was I frazzled and busy or happy to see him?  Did I regularly stop what I was doing to greet him with a kiss and hug?  If I were gone all day, how would I want to be greeted?

With so much to do in our daily lives, do we take time to make the arrival of our spouse something special each day?  Isn't it sad if the pets are happier to see our spouses than we are? 

And what about supporting him in his ideas/dreams/goals?  Could we do a better job?

I vowed to greet my husband with an encouraging word and retire at night with encouraging/complimentary words and many times in between.  At first I worried it would seem like "too much" or contrived, but let me tell you, his reaction was so striking.  His chest swelled, he walked a little taller, he smiled broader when he would see me......and why I ever thought it would be tough I have no idea!

I also watched my reactions when he shared ideas or thoughts and a doozy happened just this last weekend.  As I talked with him through the subject he brought up, I tread lightly, just praying that I was coming across in a positive way.  He sent me a text from work  Tuesday morning to share with me how much my chatting with him had not only meant to him, but helped clear his mind and put him at ease with the situation that had him stumped.  I was tickled to get that.  I guess this encouraging business can go two ways!!  

Anyhoo,  I decided to ask hubby how I was doing and to request he be as honest as possible.  (Ha!  What a slippery slope for most men, huh!  Do we really want a truthful answer?  lol)   I asked him to rate me on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being best - How was I doing in the "encouraging wife" department?  He looked at me incredulously with a sincere smile and gave me a '10'!     I was NOT expecting that answer!  Considering the turmoil we've had in our general life otherwise,  I really thought I was just doing "ok".  Rather than simply being informative, his answer really encouraged me.  And we had the biggest smiles the rest of the day.  This just made me even more motivated than before! 

Do you know what your husband would rate you in your abilities as an Encouraging Wife?  Would you be willing to ask?  Here's to doing all we can to make our husbands lives amazing, thanking them for all their hard work and dedication.  I cannot wait for this new series to start next week - I look forward to the blessings it will bring!

Have a glorious day!

23rd Anniversary!

We met in July, 1986.  I was out with my best friend Holly and she met her husband that night as well.  

We married in March, not quite 8 months later.  It's been 23 years now and seems like just yesterday some days.

 Silk flowers were required due to hubby's massive allergies but they were pretty! 

We've lived in 5 states and 15 residences/moves.  We might not have made this last move, but my health dictated the need to live near neurosurgeons.   Are we settled where we live now?  We hope not, but just might be, as hubs loves his job. Always planned to get back to Texas, though, and just haven't managed it yet.   Who knows what the future holds, but we do know we'll be together, whatever life brings, and that is an amazing feeling!  I pray everyone finds that someone in their life that will be there through thick and thin, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health.   I think we've tested each one of those - certainly no smooth sailing through the years.  But at the end of the day, when you look at your spouse and feel blessed, then what more is there in life?  There is nothing better.

We not only made a covenant before God 23 years ago, but hubby surprised me with the renewing of our vows at year 10.  That stinker!  I didn't see that one coming - and we had a full wedding, reception and wonderful 2nd honeymoon to Hearst Castle in California.   I was literally shocked!  The full story is found HERE.  

I was told we were going to a very important business dinner and we were running very late.  By the time we pulled up to the church, I was a mess, worried about how late we were.   (We had to "stall" so my family had time to get dressed and get to the church while hubs and some friends ran all kinds of insane errands, driving me absolutely insane.  lol)   The parking lot was deserted but he ran in to "talk to someone".  At a deserted church. OKAY....but I'm still not catching on at this point.  Then he comes out and asks me to come inside for a minute.  This photo is me walking in the side door, SHOCKED to see a sanctuary full of loved ones!  (I still don't know where everyone parked!)

And I've always thought this photo was cute of the boys. They then went to school talking about how their parents just got married.  There were some questions over that one!  lol

And here we are today:

Still getting used to my hair being parted on the "other" side.  Ha!  and BTW, I've had many different hair styles and hair colors through the years  - hubs actually loves change.  The above pictures I was in my "red" phase.  lol  Never knows who he's going to bed with at night with the changes I make all the time!  He did not enjoy my hair chopped super short, but other than that, he's game for anything I want to do. 

Looking forward to many more wonderful years!

Marriage - good or bad?

Marriages are on my mind these days, like a burden I guess. With all the news about "celebrity" marriage issues.........it can make one wonder - what is up with marriages today?? Are there any happily married folks left in the world? Or does everyone just give up and move on? "Grass is greener" type of mentality.

Our marriage is a testimony to staying together through all kinds of trials and tribulations and I can easily say that we love each other more now today THAN ever before in our 22 years. It seems like each year, the love just intensifies. Only God knew what He had in mind when he let these 2 got together. We met and married in less than 8 months! This photo was taken in 1987. I thought it was a photo from dating but I see a ring on his finger. lol Isn't it amazing we still look like this? lmbo


And I know some of you young marrieds (at whatever age) can't imagine what it might be like after 20+ years, when the kids are almost grown (in our case). But it's awesome. Keeping your sights on God and striving to be your husband's 'help meet' is the greatest gift you can give him.

I saw this quote today and it stopped me in my tracks. Powerful.

"However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]." Ephesians 5:33, Amplified Bible

I've never read the Amplified Bible and hadn't seen it written this way. Read that passage slowly, soaking in every word.

Are you your husband's help meet?

Cheri

Marriage - is your marriage a blessing?

One on one time is so important in marriage. In today's busy lives, more and more couples lose sight of the importance of making your spouse feel special. Kids, work......sometimes it is overwhelming.

Andy and I made a pact long ago to make our marriage a priority, to do all we could to role model for our boys, what a loving, close marriage looks like. Someday they will be men, leading their own families and we hope they do that with the integrity and honor that their father has led our family. Spending time alone with Andy goes a long way to keeping us close.

On our 10th anniversary, Andy surprised me with the renewing of our wedding vows, complete with a second honeymoon to Hearst Castle in California. That was so special to me, and we have tried to continue to have surprises and do special things for one another. Here is a website I made years ago with a few photos of our "2nd" wedding:

The Surprise Renewal of Our Vows

Interestingly, Andy and I both grew up with fathers whose careers forced them to travel week in and week out. Thankfully, Andy's job has only the occasional travel, and anytime can, I accompany him. With the boys 20 and 16, we now have the freedom to take a few days here and there. We truly are one of the closest couples we know. So many of our friends actually look forward to their spouses going on trips - getting a break. Sometimes, that is nice, but in general, it might be a sign that something is amiss.

Almost every year, we find a marriage retreat of some sort to attend. Such a boost, like a booster shot, to our relationship. I highly recommend couples find one to go to at least every couple years or so. Keep that spark alive!!

A few months ago, I ran across a ministry that emails a "Generous Tip of the Day" and it has been a real blessing to me. This one is for wives:

A Generous Wife

Here's my special guy for the last 22 years!


Who is yours? And what do you do to keep things special?

Have a great day!

Cheri