Thursday, March 18, 2010

Bad bad morning

Just had to share how sweet my husband was this morning.  I take what is called "long-acting" medication for pain that must be taken every 8 hours to build up your blood plasma levels to be effective.  Any one pill - you feel nothing.   As it slowly releases and builds up in your system, you get an overall pain relief.  (With traditional pain meds, you take one and start feeling relief in 30 minutes or so.  Not with long-acting medication.)

When I woke up this morning at  6:30am, fire was flying through my body.  As I rolled over, the overall body pain I felt made me want to die.  I struggled to sit up, trying to figure out what had happened.  I then realized I had forgotten my bedtime meds and this meant the last time I took any medication was 2PM the day before.  16.5 hours prior.  

Andy was already getting ready for work and when he saw me, he knew immediately that this was going to be very bad for me for a while.   It hadn't fully hit me yet what had happened and I was trying to physically get back in bed.  He helped me back in to my "coffin" sleeping position.   This is how I sleep all night, every night, and he swears I will look just like this one day in a coffin.  I am on my back, arms over my chest, legs straight with 2 pillows up under my knees.  And I don't move, all night long.   Many  nights, he swears he has checked to make sure I am breathing.  Kinda creepy for him.   lol

He realized as he tucked me in that I had started holding my breath, my way of holding in emotion.   He sweetly told me to breathe, in and out, in and out, as he laid next to me with his arms around me.  As I took the first breath, the tears hit fast and furious.  I was in a level of pain that I don't have words to describe.....

I started heaving with the crying and he needed to get me calmed down.  He started whispering about me flying up in the sky, floating comfortably, and seeing a house on fire below (representing the fire in my body, and taking it away from me personally).   Visualization almost always helps me.  Very shortly, I was asleep.

I haven't had the best day physically (as expected) but I can't get over how sweet and caring he was with me this morning.  Without his gentle support, I would have been much more panicked.  Means the world to me that he cares so much.  
It made me think - do we all do what we can to bring comfort to a spouse when needed, or are we too busy?  Too wrapped up in what we are doing or what we need?

Sometimes it is a true burden to be dealing with a health crisis, particularly one like mine that isn't going anywhere and we all just have to accept it.  But it still matters, even to "I'm fine" little Miss "Pretend" girls like me.  Sometimes, when things really aren't fine, it means so much to have someone show they care in a special way.

I love you, honey!

Have a glorious day!


1 comment:

  1. Cheri, reading your story I can only know what you are going through by seeing my mother before her back surgery, this is why my parents live with us now. Seeing her in this pain she couldn't sit, stand , move or sleep. But she is doing so much better. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family. As for your post today I have went through an awful trama from a ruptured brain anurisum and having my husband have to do everything for me for over a year except breath for me, I trully would not have made it without him and his loving care. You and I have truly been blessed with wonderful caring husbands. It does amaze me that there are Husbands that can't even cook for themself or run to the grocery store. Anyways God truly picked out to special caring men for us. God Bless you and my prayers are with you...I hope this post finds you in much less pain.


Thanks so much for your lovely comments!