Friday, January 28, 2011

Keeping It Real

One of those weeks where I’m reciting the Serenity Prayer over and over and over…..

Grant me the SERENITY
To accept the things
I cannot change
To change the things I can
And the WISDOM to know the difference

Credit - Charlie Murdach
It can be a steady, sometimes deep burning, aching, cutting, tearing sensation CPS (Central Pain Syndrome) may be mixed with sudden, excruciating shots of pain. It is often mixed with other distracting sensations like cold, tingling, a "pins and needles" effect, a ballooning sensation, throbbing, and the feeling of a dental probe on a raw nerve.

Intense skin reactions can accompany these symptoms, such as burning, stretching, tightness, itching, or a crawling feeling that can be irritated by any light touch, sometimes just the feel of cloth on skin, which can making dressing an ordeal. Sometimes the touch of a loved one, or family member, in fun, or love, may often be a way to overwhelm the brain with the pain from CPS.
This unwelcome guest joined a party already in progress.  

Attendees include:

Massive nerve pain flare hips to toes, busting through the spinal cord stimulator like it isn’t even there.

Mid-back (thoracic) spasms, arthritic in nature, likely triggered by rain.

Low back muscle burning, deep deep pain, pain in joints.

And now this.  Central PainAgain.   I had this once before and when I survived it then, prayed it was a fluke occurrence.  Guess not.

How people live with this every day defies my understanding.  Folks say that about my regular pain, but I had gotten to a mental place where I could just survive.  Not sure about this.

Reclined, frozen as any movement feels like a blow torch on my skin…….my smile is faint, my mood less than stellar, my patience thin……….but the blessing of an amazing husband whose heart breaks when he sees me like this.   Don’t know how I’d do it without him.

Love him.  So much.  Love how he tenderly pulled me out of bed on the mid-back spasm entrance.  Love how he stroked my hair as I buried my face in his chest, only having made it to sitting position, yet to stand and endure the full force of the spasms.  Love how he tenderly hugs me, keeping his hands above my bra strap, being careful not to even brush his fingers across my lower back ribs to hips. 
If I didn’t smile, I shudder to think what state I might be in.  Smiling ministry can also be for yourself.  Never knew that until now. 


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