When we lost our third pregnancy to miscarriage, it was completely unexpected as we had had 2 fairly uneventful successful pregnancies prior. (Holt almost miscarried but ended up fine.)
When we then lost our next 2 (3 out of 5 pregnancies, one being twins), I was beyond devastated and Andy had to be the strong one. The girl who "never is seen without a smile" suddenly was in a deep spiral.... He was the public support...answering questions but comforting me at home. I holed up in the house because every time I left and went somewhere, namely church....someone would inevitably bring it up and cause a torrent of tears again. I might have just gone one day without crying and here it came again.
There were things folks said that were NOT appreciated. This post is about what TO say...
I found this article this morning and liked it -
4 Right Things to Say after a Miscarriage
Even if you've never experienced a miscarriage or pregnancy loss, you know that the minute you found out you were expecting, you got excited most likely, started dreaming of if it was a boy or girl, what he/she would look like....Even pregnancies that end 2 weeks later have lots of dreams attached.
I remember being in a holding pattern until the due date of the particular pregnancy...until then, I would notice all pregnant women and be sad. I was supposed to be that pregnant.
Once the due date passed, a calm came over me. I was finally OK....pregnant women didn't trigger tears. I recommend being sensitive to the due date and it would have touched me greatly if a close friend had said, "I'm thinking of you today". So often, folks will ignore and act like nothing happened rather than acknowledge the loss.
We will see our 4 babies in Heaven one day and it gives us hope. Especially knowing at least one of them is another boy (had testing to see if docs could figure out why we were having recurrent losses), it warms my heart. I AM a boy mom!
Many gentle ( ( HUGS ) ) to those of you who have personally experienced the loss of a pregnancy or child. Sometimes only those who have been there truly will ever understand.