Grief

I had just started sleeping again.  For 5 nights, I was in bed hours earlier than my "normal" of 3-4 am.  I was so excited that maybe I was breaking that pattern.   Having the drama and chaos out of our home has really helped, but it took me almost a month to relax again.  I was finally believing I did not have to be on "high alert" anymore.

I just made the new collage in the header.  Looking at his childhood photos.  Where did that child go?

And now?  Just how much more stupidity and pain must he go through?  Is he close to learning his lesson?   Being the parents of adult children taking an alternate path through life really really really sucks.  

Is it grief today, or anger, or sadness, or bewilderment?  For me, I'm angry.  Crying out to God for help with watching this train wreck.  My husband is overwhelmingly sad.   Sometimes the emotional pain is just too great.  I stopped crying 3 weeks ago, and I assumed I had run out of tears.   It was nice, the respite from the waterworks.  But writing this has opened the spigot.  Great.   All we can do is hold on to each other and make sure we stay strong.  Because going through this could destroy us, if we let it.  We won't.

Grief.

If your children are doing well, please give them an extra hug today.  You just never know when that might change.   Sometimes a child takes a journey no parent can bear to watch.

If you are reading this and tears came to your eyes because you know what I'm talking about, please read the book, "Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children" if you have not.  (I found mine at the local Christian Bookstore.)   It will save your life.  It will save your marriage.  It will save your sanity.  But it doesn't take the pain away.  

This, we must endure.